Page 60 of The Romance Library

‘And it wasn’t just the escapism and excitement that I loved about reading. I loved everything about books. Touching them, even smelling them. Might sound weird, but you can’t beat the smell of a new book. As soon as I first started working when I was fourteen, I used to spend every spare penny I earned on books. Even when I got my own place and knew I couldn’t afford to buy more because I needed to keep money aside for bills or a rainy day, I’d still end up breaking my book-buying ban. And although I knew I should definitely read the books I had on my shelf first before I bought new ones, I could never resist buying the latest novels. I was a sucker for a pretty book cover.’

‘Sounds like you built up quite the collection!’ I smiled.

‘Yeah. I had hundreds of books. Before I met my ex, I used to devour at least three books a week. Then when we started dating, that slipped to one or two. He used to make little comments about romance novels being stupid and a waste of money because they weren’t “proper” books, but I ignored it. I told him my books were important to me.’

‘Good for you.’ I nodded. She’d only just started the story, but so far her ex sounded like an ignoramus.

‘I loved reading in bed or in the bath. It was my alone time. I could just lay back, relax and get lost in the pages.’

‘Nice.’

‘Anyway, one night I read a particular steamy scene and it made me… well…’ Her eyes dropped like she was embarrassed. ‘It made me horny. So I mentioned it to my ex and said it might be fun to recreate that scene, together.’

‘Like it,’ I said, thinking I’d always been attracted to women who knew what they wanted in the bedroom. ‘Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.’

‘It’s okay. My ex asked to read a section of the book, and when he did, he completely lost his shit. He tossed the book on the floor and said he hadn’t realised that all this time I’d been reading porn.’

Jessica’s voice started to crack and my chest tightened. I didn’t like the direction that this story was taking. I was right. This man was an idiot.

‘Go on,’ I said, trying to keep my voice level.

‘I said it wasn’t porn. It was romance with a bit of spice, that was all. But he wasn’t having any of it. He stormed off to the living room and started pulling all my books off the shelves.’

‘You’re joking?’ I ground my jaw.

‘Nope. He went crazy. “Is this porn too?” he shouted. “And this? You tricked me! I thought you were just reading silly, innocent romances, when all this time you’ve been locking yourself away in the bathroom, masturbating to this filth like a dirty whore!”’

‘Are you serious?’ I clenched my fist, wishing her ex was in front of me so I could knock him out. Jessica nodded.

‘I couldn’t believe the words that were coming from his mouth. He watched porn. Regularly. I saw it all the time on his computer and never said anything. But that was completely different to romance. If I was reading hardcore erotica novels, I could see why he might compare it to porn, but romance stories were completely different. I’m not saying that the steamy scenes don’t make you horny, but that isn’t the main goal. Romances have plot, character growth and development. It isn’t all about the spice.’

‘Romance novels focus on the romance and the love story, whereas with erotica everything revolves around the characters having sex, right?’

‘Exactly. I read romance for the love story. The spice was just a bonus. I tried to explain this. Told him that there were like fifty chapters in the whole book and only about two or three chapters had sex scenes, but he wouldn’t listen and insisted I get rid of the books. I refused.’

‘Good. You should be able to read whatever the hell you want.’

‘That’s exactly what I thought. But then a few days later when I came home from work, I smelt burning.’

‘Shit,’ I muttered.

‘When I went to the garden, my ex was standing in front of a bonfire. He’d burned my books. Every single one of them.’

‘Fucking hell.’ I shook my head.

‘When I screamed, asking why the hell he’d done that, he turned to me, smiled and said: “I told you to get rid of them and you didn’t, so I did it for you.” I felt like someone had ripped my guts out. I’m ashamed to say it, but I wanted to push him in that bloody bonfire. Luckily I didn’t, but I knew that was the last straw. I’d ignored all the other red flags in our relationship because I thought he loved me. But after what he did, I had to leave. So that night, when he was in the shower, I ran. I didn’t even stop to take anything with me. I had to get out of there.’

‘Jesus.’ I swallowed hard. ‘I’m sorry you had to go through that. When you say you didn’t take anything, you mean you left with no clothes?’

‘I mean I left everything behind. My phone. My clothes. Everything I owned. I knew I didn’t have time to pack properly. I knew if I took my phone he’d try to track me. I knew if I didn’t go there and then, somehow he’d charm me and I’d stay. That was why I ran.’

‘Where did you go?’

‘I just got on a train and waited to see where it took me. That night I slept in the station and the next morning I had to figure out my life.’

‘Didn’t you have any family or friends you could go to?’

‘That’s a story for another day.’ Her gaze dropped to the floor.

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