Page 17 of The Match Faker

Thankfully after cocktail number three, Trudy had given up talking about Liam.

‘What time did you leave last night?’ I switched on my computer.

‘After midnight!’

‘Did you go home alone?’

‘Yep. Wasn’t in the mood for any extracurricular activities!’ she laughed.

Since Trudy’s divorce three years ago, she’d been a free spirit, insisting she never wanted to get tied down with a relationship ever again. She was the complete opposite to me. Despite my messy break-up with Boris, I still wanted to meet someone.

‘What’s your diary looking like for tomorrow night?’ Trudy said.

‘I’ve got a hot date… with my sofa!’ I added. ‘These days my social calendar is emptier than a ghost town.’

‘Glad to hear it!’ She rubbed her hands together.

‘Hold on a minute…’ My eyes narrowed. Trudy was looking far too pleased with herself. ‘What are you up to? Please tell me you’re asking if I’m free because you want me to come and see another one of your plays.’

‘I could tell you it didn’t have anything to do with a certain old school friend of ours, but then I’d be lying…’

‘Trudy!’ I blew out a breath. ‘I told you, I’m not interested!’

‘Don’t be such a spoilsport! Can’t you see Liam’s the answer to your prayers?’

‘More like my nightmares!’ I scoffed.

‘Listen. You need a fake boyfriend for two months. He’s going to be here in London for roughly the same amount of time. It’s perfect!’

‘It really isn’t. There’s so many reasons it’d never work.’

‘Such as?’ She rested her finger on her chin.

‘Where do I start?’ I blew out a breath. ‘First up, he’s a big Hollywood star. And don’t you read the papers?’

‘Who reads the papers these days?’

‘You know what I mean! Okay, let me rephrase: don’t you read the news on your phone? He’s with a different celebrity, influencer or model every night, so no one’s going to believe that he’s suddenly in a committed relationship with me. Secondly, I can’t stand him and the feeling is mutual, so he’s never going to want to help me out. Thirdly… anyway, it just wouldn’t work. It’s not even worth trying to explain why. It’s obvious.’

‘Oh how you underestimate me.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘I’ve thought about it. Firstly the press haven’t seen him for weeks, so for all they know he could’ve been dating you. Second, you could be seen as the woman who finally tamed the playboy. The magazine and judges will lap that shit up. It’s a great story. And third, even though you two have your issues, you wouldn’t be the only person to gain something from this.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, I do read the news and like you said he’s always in the gossip magazines with different women. It’s screwing with his reputation. Didn’t you see those dick pics online?’

‘No! I refused to look.’ It seemed wrong somehow.

‘I seriously think he should change his nickname to Big Will! Y’know, because Liam is from the name William and he’s got a big willy, get it?’

‘Why are we talking about Liam’s dick?’ I sighed.

‘Because a little industry birdy told me that it was a woman called Sunrise Kane who posted those pics, after a night of passion with Liam.’

‘And?’

‘And Sunrise is the daughter of that huge Hollywood producer Henry Kane. And he was not happy about Liam putting his cock-a-doodle-doo inside his precious princess’s vajayjay!’

‘Vajayjay? Seriously? Sounds like a Strictly Come Dancing routine!’

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