Page 97 of Our Own Light

Floyd took Ollie’s hand away from his face, worried that his stubble might irritate the redness, even though the majority of Ollie’s injuries were on his palms.

“I won’t,” Floyd said before kissing Ollie’s knuckles.

“For the last few weeks, I’ve been feeling like you were keeping something from me. Like you were keeping yourself from me. Because you hadn’t been talking about Matt as much.”

“Because I thought it’d hurt you. You seemed so sad when you found out Matt was my butty.”

“I know,” Ollie said. “I’m so mad at myself for that. Anytime you want to talk about Matt, I’ll listen. Anytime you want to be sad about Matt, I’ll be sad with you. Or not. Sometimes it’s nice to be sad alone. I can understand that. So, it’s, well, whatever you want, really. Just, please, let me in. Don’t push me away like that.”

“I won’t push you away,” Floyd said, leaning forward to kiss their foreheads together. He took a moment to breathe in Ollie’s scent—sweet and musky and perfect—and then straightened up again. While it was true that he had picked a fight with Ollie intentionally, the subject matter—the scuffle between the miners and the coal operators and Chafin—really had been upsetting him. He figured it was time to tell Ollie the truth about everything, no matter how horrible it might make him seem. “I reckon I ought to tell you something else. Something that might make you not want to be with me no more.”

“Nothing could make me not want to be with you,” Ollie said. “You’re my sweetheart.”

“Maybe not once you hear this,” Floyd said, shame creeping up the back of his neck, burning his skin and reddening his cheeks. “I... well, I heard that the UMWA wants to make things safer for us miners. Which is the right thing to do, I know it’s the right thing to do, but... but it ain’t fair to Matt.” Floyd choked a sob but held the rest in, briefly covering his mouth with his free hand to try to keep himself from crying. Some seconds passed before he could remove it and continue. “I can’t know whether some of them safety is fighting for would have helped Matt, but it still makes me mad to think there could be changes. Because it’s too late for him. I hate that it’s too late for him.”

“I’m so sorry.” Ollie squeezed his hand. “For what it’s worth, I think it’s probably normal to feel the way you do. Or if it’s not, well, who cares? Not me, certainly. I still love you. You’re still my sweetheart, Floyd. You’ll always be my sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Ollie. I feel so bad for feeling this way, which is why I’m so upset whenever people bring up the UMWA maybe taking hold here in West Virginia. Everyone out here deserves better. I know that, but—”

“But Matt deserved better, too.”

Meeting Ollie’s kind eyes, Floyd nodded. He wondered how he could be so lucky to find someone who seemed to understand. Minutes passed while Floyd let the wave of sadness recede, Ollie rubbing the back of Floyd’s hand with his thumb in the meantime.

“Thanks, Ollie,” Floyd finally said. “I’m feeling better now.”

“Floyd, love,” Ollie said, reaching up to cup Floyd’s cheek. “I hope you won’t dwell on the way things have been between us for the last week. I completely understand why you were pushing me away. And why you’ve been so mad whenever people have brought up the UMWA. I’m not mad at you. Not even a little.” He tapped Floyd’s nose with his index finger in a playful sort of way. “I will be mad at you if you stay mad at yourself, though. I can’t have you beating yourself up for it. I’ve only experienced one slap from you and holy hell, was it painful.”

Floyd huffed a short laugh, wiping the tears from his eyes. Ollie knew how to be funny at the exact perfect times.

“I won’t,” Floyd said. “I won’t beat myself up, but more importantly, I won’t never push you away like that again.”

Ollie’s mouth twisted up into a wry smile. “So you will push me away like that again.”

Floyd had to restrain himself from shoving Ollie backward a little.

“I really missed you,” Floyd said, and Ollie leaned forward to share a kiss. Feeling Ollie’s soft lips on his own, Floyd let out a sigh, though eventually he forced himself to break their kiss so that he could look into Ollie’s beautiful brown-green eyes. He kissed Ollie’s nose and chin and cheek. “Gosh, I want to kiss you all over. I need to show you how much I missed you.”

“Good,” Ollie said, his smile so big his eyes were crinkling in the corners. “Because I want to kiss you all over, too.”

Seeing Ollie’s eye wrinkles—the little crevices in his coal-stained face—made Floyd remember how filthy both of them were. As he studied Ollie’s skin, he hummed to himself and thought about how nice it might be to wash up together.

“Maybe we ought to clean ourselves first,” Floyd said.

“Probably.”

“I reckon a warm rag would feel nice on your shoulder, too.”

“I like that idea.”

“I’ll fix everything up for us. You stay here and rest.”

“You want me to try to rest on this lumpy couch? Fuck, sweetheart, I can’t believe you’d want to punish me like that.”

“Shut up, Ollie.”

Ollie’s hand flew to his chest. “It’s like a knife to my heart.”

Laughing, Floyd otherwise ignored that and set to work preparing the water, fetching some from the water pump and warming it on the stove. He filled the tin bath near to the brim.

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