Page 14 of Free to Fall

“I have.” I laid out my course of study.

He leaned forward after setting his own sandwich to the side. “Let me give you something else to think about.” That’s when he mentioned ROTC to me. Being commissioned as an officer. Going to work for the US Army Audit Agency.

Intrigued, I leaned back. “Is that the route you took?”

“Part of the path.” Then he went on to tell me some of the rest. The rest of that discussion led me to where I am today.

My one true regret is Larry didn’t live long enough to see where his advice led me. He suffered a massive coronary not long after Bailey was born. Even though he admitted he hated Bailey’s mother as much as I did—“There’s just something about her that sets all my flags flying, Liam”—I know he believed I would make a good father. “Just love her.”

I could easily do that with my daughter. It was her mother there was no hope for.

None.

Ashleigh was as beautiful as she was a deceitful bitch. It made her an exceptional undercover agent, but I’d have claimed she was the worst possible life choice I’d ever made, especially since, after a few nights of fucking, I walked in on her bent over, getting railed by my agent in charge. It immediately put an end to whatever it was I believed we were building, despite her begging to give her a second chance.

As if.

I laughed in Ashleigh’s face when she came to tell me she was pregnant. “Do you think I’d believe you considering you aren’t exactly known for telling the truth?”

Unashamedly, she agreed while insisting, “She’s yours, Liam. I’ll give you a paternity test when she’s born.”

Thank fuck I wasn’t stupid enough to tell her to kiss my ass like my former SAC did. One test and my life changed. I was given hope in the form of a tiny pink bundle of my coloring and Ashleigh’s smile, which blew tiny spit bubbles.

Still, I hate the damn bitch. I’ll never forgive her for taking my daughter with her on a sting.

Ashleigh hid her destructive tendencies. I honestly thought she loved our daughter. But why did she put our baby into that car if she did? She had to have known the danger she was placing Bailey in. If she didn’t, I do. I lived through it when the Tiberi’s shot up the ER I took Bailey to for a fucking ear infection.

An ear infection that almost cost her life.

Fury still sings through my blood. “It’s a good thing they got the man who did this to you, Buttercup. Otherwise, Daddy doesn’t know what he’d do.”

Chapter

Six

My therapist, Alice, said something during our session today that has been playing through my mind over and over. “You skipped over anger.”

“Excuse me?” At least that’s what I would have said if I weren’t in the process of shoving a peanut butter cup in my mouth, so it may have come out sounding like the Peanuts classroom teacher on a bender.

She leaned forward and infused me with her strength. “The stages of grief are considered to be denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. You went right from denial to depression, Laura. Did you ever consider the fact that you have a right to be angry that this happened to you?”

Immediately I correct, “It didn’t happen ...,” but my words trail off.

It did happen to me.

I am a victim of Paulie Tiberi’s insanity. As parts of my brain begin firing for the first time in months, filthy words fly out of my mouth. “Goddamn motherfucker!” I scream, leaping to my feet.

Alice shifts, bracing perhaps.

“It was his fucking fault. He killed his own brother in cold blood. Right. In. Front. Of. Me!” I scream, letting the nightmare spill out of my mouth as it’s been replaying in my mind.

“Yes.” It’s the only word Alice says and the only encouragement I need.

“I hope he rots in hell. I hope his soul is banished to the seventh circle.” Finally, words that as a vowed healer, I should be shocked pass my lips. “I hope he pays the price for his crimes tenfold.”

Then, I sink to my knees and sob because I’m the one still paying and I fear for how long I will before I can recover the life I had before this ever occurred.

“Laura, you can’t keep these emotions bottled up inside you,” Alice chides me gently.

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