Page 48 of Return By Fire

“Listen, now I have no excuse whatsoever to maneuver Jennings into a long weekend in Hawaii,” she complains good-naturedly.

I snort. “If you said that to anyone else, they would so take it the wrong way.”

“Ugh. Fair point.”

“I know.”

“Jennings has the wrong parts for me to get excited.”

“I know that too.” Jennings’s office manager and I are good friends who, on a couple of occasions, enjoyed the Seattle club scene together. We chitchat about what she and her new girlfriend are up to before she connects me to Jennings.

“Let me guess, you’re lounging around on your boat in flamingo swim shorts with a beer in your hand.”

I don’t even have to look down before I answer, “Yep.”

“Fucker. Why the hell are you calling me, then?”

“To rub it in? After all, you’re the SOB who didn’t bring me crabs back from Tracy’s when you borrowed my damn car to go get some.”

We both chuckle at how pissed I was. He recalls, “It was Nick’s birthday.”

The memory stirs another, one about our friend Kody. I shove it aside so as not to be distracted from the purpose of my call. A few more minutes pass by with us recalling our past.

But it’s the future I need to clear the air about. “Jennings.”

“Something wrong, brother?”

“I met someone.” I push to my feet and move to the railing, recalling the first moment my eyes locked with the golden amber of Dean’s. The questions I want to ask Jennings are ones I can’t give voice to.

When he first laid eyes on Kara in Juneau, did his world seismically shift like mine did after Dean confronted me right here?

Did Jennings watch Kara sleep the way I do Dean? Was he unable to close his eyes for a moment for fear of her disappearing?

Did he fear her becoming a faint memory? God knows I do.

Jennings finally speaks, only to ask, “Is he good to you?”

I recall the care he took with me, the love he doles out openly to his sister and to her child. Hell, Dean has shown his tenderness to a snake simply because a class of school kids had lost it. Dean Malone causes my heart to burn, leaves my soul warm to the touch.

I just can’t share those kinds of details because of the secrets I’m slowly setting fire to and praying God will handle instead of forcing me to mediate. Finally, I reply, “He is.”

Jennings releases a whoosh of air as the breath he’s been holding escapes. “That’s all that matters. Well, that and your happiness, Jed.”

“Thanks, buddy.”

A chair creaks in my ear. “Now, when do we get to meet the new man in your life.”

I open my mouth to drop my usual snark about how I don’t want my friends to screw up a good thing when I realize it’s too late. They already did. At least, Jennings has. And I can’t share Dean with Brad, Kody, or Nick without him knowing, wondering.

Tears prick my eyes as I lie to him for the first time since I’ve known him. “It’s new.”

“When you’re comfortable, buddy,” he reassures me.

It should have been next to impossible to have lied to Jennings. Was it because I now appreciate Kara’s predicament or because of my feelings for Dean? Or is it as simple as the more you trust someone, the more willing they are to accept your lies?

If my heart is to remain connected to Dean’s, I might just find out, I think sickly. I redirect the conversation to change the topic, “How long has it been since we all were together?”

Jennings teases, “Now, I’m wounded. What was California?”

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