Page 42 of Return By Fire

Even as Jed and I cement ourselves as a unit, Kevin spends more and more time with the two of us alone. Kara takes the wisely cautious, and frankly painful to witness, baby steps to move on building a life for herself outside of the love she has for her son. Even as much as I know his personality will turn over issues, contemplating them until he has the answer—so much like my sister—both Jed and I find it odd Kevin hasn’t mentioned his birth father to any of us.

Never.

Not even when I mention Jed going fishing with his buddies on a long overdue vacation to California and it was just the two of us on Jed’s boat for the weekend. He did ask me how long Jed’s known them, to which I replied, “Longer than he’s known your Mom,” wondering if that would trigger any kind of response.

It did, but not the kind I would consider a breakthrough enough to discuss having Kara disrupt Kevin’s emotional health.

His response causes me to grin in memory. “Kinda like me and Brooks.”

Unable to explain any more succinctly, I agree even as I silently ask for forgiveness as I now was no longer my nephew’s safe haven but became one of his deceptors, right alongside my sister and the man I’m falling for.

In bed after Jed returned from California, we held each other close as I choked out my own worries about Kevin. “How will he react to the truth? Will he hate us?”

“Does it matter?”

I fought indignation as I roared, “How can you say such a thing?”

“As you and Kara keep reminding me, the most important person who can’t be hurt is Kevin.”

“You’re right.”

Now, almost twelve weeks into my relationship with Jed, I feel combustible. Out of control.

At that moment when a fire consumes the last air molecule before it implodes.

Will it scar me and Kara? Me and Kevin?

Kevin and Kara?

Or, I swallow the lump in my throat, scorch me and Jed beyond recognition?

I stand at the edge of the flames at the building on fire, preparing to throw myself into the gray smoke. Even as I clear my mind, I push my personal issues aside. My field of vision narrows to the flames eating up the alcohol and Naugahyde.

After checking my breathing respirator is working, I pick up my axe and enter hell.

Again.

* * *

“Why did you become a firefighter?” Jed asks me the next night when we’re lying in his bed.

I roll away from him and stare up at the ceiling. “Sure you want to hear this?”

He props himself up on his arms. “Yes.”

I give a curt nod before I tell him what I’ve never shared with even Kara. “I never expected to be one as long as I have.”

He blinks at me slowly, disbelieving. Not waiting for him to add a voice to the expression on his face. I plow on, “It started as a means of getting access to my trust fund early. My grandfather—”

“Kevin?” Jed asks quietly.

“He said just because we came from money, we hadn’t earned it.” I swallow. “I figured I’d train, be kept protected because of my name, and in a couple of years—jackpot. Trade in my blues for a whole lotta green.”

Jed doesn’t say a word as I roll to my side. Head propped on my hand I admit, “But something happened.”

“What?”

“They accepted me exactly as I am.”

---