Page 158 of Perfect Pitch

“Hush.” Her voice is a whip.

Even though she can’t see my lip trembling as I feel her pain, I do the only thing I can for her. I give her my silence.

“Feeling like this isn’t a choice; it’s a sentence. I just want to know what I did so wrong in this life to deserve this. I alternate between moving around in a void and so much pain, I want to vomit. Again. This feeling is a wound that’s not closing. There’s no pretending it’s tolerable. I have no defense against this because I didn’t the first time it happened either. But back then, I had you nurturing my heart. And this time I don’t.” Mama’s voice cracks. “Because here you are pleading his case and refusing to let me be.”

My breath draws in sharply at her agony. God, does Dad even realize how much pain she’s in? He can’t. There’s no way. He’d be beating down her door if he knew.

She chokes out, “Not even on my worst enemy would I wish this pain. I’d have rather never found your father again than to live through this.”

Then she hangs up on me.

Trembling, I immediately try to get a hold of my father. Just like I have all week with Mama, I get his voicemail. “B... Dad? It’s Austyn. Call me. Please. I really need to talk with you.”

After I hang up, I close my eyes in agony as a sharp realization hits me. Loving someone may not be enough. It may leave you soundless when all you want to do is scream from the pain.

That’s the true definition of agony.

Feeling my stomach churn again, I lay back against my pillows and let tears slip silently from my eyes.

* * *

CHAPTER SEVENTY

I was reading a story to my niece I recall my mother reading to me, Goodnight Moon. Did you know the book was released in 1947?

Thank you for seventy-five years of comfort at bedtime.

—Jacques Yves, Celebrity Blogger

Austyn curls up against my chest in her sleep. She’s restless even now, head twisting and turning, tears falling down her face.

I can’t help this need to protect her, comfort her. Part of what makes her so easy to love is a large part of why she’s hurting so much at the rift between her parents. I tighten my arms around her and my lips find her hair. “You have the largest capacity to love. More so than anyone I know.”

Her deep blue eyes open languidly. They’re heart-stopping and filled with bottomless love. It’s the pain in them I want to wipe away. She studies me with drowsy intensity before the corner of her mouth lifts. “If I do, it’s because of how much I love you.”

My heart swells to a size too large to feel comfortable in my chest. Afraid if I speak I’ll burst into tears, so I try to communicate to Austyn how much I love her by touching her. Tasting her.

Connecting our bodies together.

Becoming one—heart and soul.

Long after, when she’s well and truly passed out, I hope like hell things work out between Beckett and Paige because if they don’t, the person who will be hurt most is Austyn.

Again.

* * *

CHAPTER SEVENTY-ONE

MARCH

Where in the world is Beckett Miller? This isn’t funny. I haven’t had a fix in weeks.

—Sexy&Social, All the Scandal You Can Handle

I’ve never been more grateful I live alone. I’d feel more guilty about Trevor, but I don’t have time for guilt—at least not that kind. Not right now.

Trevor was devastated when I signed with Wildcard since they took over everything about my business—scheduling, social media, brand representation. Everything, that is, apart from my legal counsel. My father was adamant about that. “I’ve known Kris”—he name-dropped Kristoffer Wilde, the CEO of Wildcard so casually, I almost fell down the stairs at his place in LA—“for years. But his legal team is crap in comparison to Carys. Trust me, kid. Have her negotiate that in for you.”

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