Page 75 of Again, In Autumn

Today, Kate and I stand in front of the entryway mirror, a spot where I never spend time, yet here I am, two days in a row. I check for spinach in my teeth and tighten my slicked back ponytail. I wonder where this new freckle came from and if it’s the precursor to skin cancer and that’s it – I’m going to die a childless spinster. I knew it.

I should change my game to, Let’s Check Everyone Over Thirty For Odd-Looking Moles in Non-Sexual Places.

Kate checks her lash extensions. She unzips her jacket just enough for her boobs to look like they’re being hugged when they’d rather come out to play. I’m afraid that she might change her game to a private lap dance.

She asks me, “Do you think Adam has a girlfriend?”

“Oh.” I run my nails over the points of a geode. Based on what Maggie said the other day and his admission at dinner, I assume not, but I hadn’t thought much about it. “I don’t know.”

“He’s not acting disinterested, but he’s not exactly making a move.” She pouts her full, lined lips. “I’m not familiar with this behavior. I don’t know what he wants, what he likes. Should I just talk to him more or should I make a move? I never make the first move…”

“He’s not a young guy,” I explain with care. I imagine stepping over landmines, but I don’t know if they are my explosives or hers. “Men over thirty get a little more careful of how obviously they hit on their friends’ little sisters. At a family gathering.”

She considers this. “That sounds true.”

“He’s probably just enjoying the holiday with his family and doesn’t want to complicate things too much.”

Her young face doesn’t stop staring at her reflection. Ten years between us and I recognize the self-doubt in her eyes.

“You’re a beautiful, intelligent girl, Katie. Anyone would be lucky to have you.” For unselfish reasons, I add, “That might be Adam, it might not be. His response is not a reflection on your value.”

She eyes me sidelong. “Thanks, Vee.”

“Trust me, I’m very wise,” I say.

“I know.” She doesn’t appear consoled.

I grab her by the arm and pull her outside with me. “Plus, you don’t really know him all that well. He might be a sicko in disguise.”

“But he’s so perfect,” she whines.

“It’s a hell of a disguise.”

We stand on the porch, watching Alice hide her belongings for our first game of Easter Egg Hunt, when Copper bounds into view and snatches a dinosaur from its hiding spot on the lawn. Alice bursts into hysterics for the fourth time today. God bless Francesca and David when she goes through puberty.

The trio of neighbors emerge from the trees.

“Copper, drop it!” Adam orders.

The dog comes around, his tail low, and leaves the toy at Adam’s feet.

“Sorry, Alice,” Adam offers. The sun shines cruelly on his swept hair, and he squints against it with the smolder of a Disney prince. He crouches down, retrieving a baseball cap from his back pocket, and places his free hand on her shoulder. “Copper doesn’t know any better.”

She cries, “That was my hiding toy!”

He shoves the hat on and glances around. “Oh. Oh! Okay, that’s your game?”

She whimpers and nods.

“Cool. Well, do you want to re-hide it with me?” he asks with a gentle tone. “Yeah? Come on.”

She takes his offered hand. I exhale through the loopy swirls in my stomach, noticing how carefully Adam guides Alice through woods, how he to gets down to her level and smiles when she giggles.

Well, that was uncomfortable to watch. Kate might be pregnant.

Alice shows Adam more of her toys, a clear violation of the rules, and I smile at how easy he makes her feel. I can notice these things now. I don’t have to avoid his presence. I can finally talk to him.

Around Francesca and David, we kept our interactions detached and rarely spoke to each other. In private, that’s how I fell in love with him. He spoke so passionately all night long about what he wanted for his life, the books he was reading, the music he listened to. I shared how I learned to function without a mother, how I can’t remember the sound of her laugh, why baking made me feel close to her.

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