Page 45 of Again, In Autumn

I never thought I’d see Adam Kent again. I figured he’d live on half in my memories and half in the spotlight and I’d remain squarely in the median, empty-handed. I’m doomed if I think I can move through this week unscathed.

His disdain for me at dinner tonight dripped like venom. I tasted it in my food. I much prefer the cold-hearted indifference of yesterday morning; life would be better if he forgot all about me. At least then I wouldn’t bear the brunt of angry, prideful looks.

I’m in my pajamas, but I’m not ready to sleep. My mind’s too wired. I walk downstairs as the others get ready for bed, passing Kate in her room, talking on her phone.

“He’s so hot,” she growls. “I know! I can’t believe it. No, I brought all my best stuff. Tomorrow we’re going hiking, and I’ve got – yes, the one –”

There goes my head again.

At the bottom of the stairs, I catch Francesca sitting in a chair. Lamplight shines on her freshly washed face. Glasses tip down the edge of her nose, toward the book in her hand. She looks up. “Hey.”

“Hey.” I brush back my wet hair. “You’re not going to bed?”

“I’m not tired yet.” She smiles. The exhaustion in her eyes gives her away. She relents, “I’m just not used to so many people around at night. For a year, the kids would go to bed, and it would be so quiet. I’d have whole weekends to myself.”

I remind her, “You hate the quiet. You hate being alone.”

“I know.” She glances around. “But when it takes a long time to get used to it, it takes just as long to get unused to it.”

David’s voice calls for Alice to stop hiding in her closet and go to bed. She screams and his footsteps rattle above our heads.

Francesca twists in her chair. “Adam was a little hostile toward you at dinner tonight, huh?”

Looks like someone picked up on it. I sway side to side, thinking of how I can interpret our conversation to an outsider.

“He and I are just different,” I decide. “I must just rub him the wrong way.”

She nods after a moment of consideration. “That’s what he said last night.” She explains, “Maggie asked why you didn’t hang out with us that summer, and I didn’t have a clue. Adam said you guys just didn’t get along.”

That’s a pretense that might be true now.

Francesca laughs, “Maggie told me privately that Adam had a thing for you initially. He had called her and said some beautiful girl lived next door to their dad’s new house.”

“Why is that funny?” I wonder.

She pulls off her glasses and touches her eyelashes. “Because if he liked you, he would have made a move. There’s no way two teenagers would spend an entire summer an arm’s length away if you were hot for each other.”

Frustrated steam pumps from my nose. “Because you told me to stay away from him.”

“What?”

“You told me the first day we met him to stay away from Adam.”

“No, I didn’t,” she replies incredulously.

“Yes, you did!”

“No, I didn’t. Why would I say that to you? I don’t care what you do.”

I focus hard on keeping my forehead from squeezing into a permanently wrinkled state, all the disbelief rushing to my facial muscles. “Are you kidding? You told me – multiple times – that we were on a sister’s only summer vacation and I was not supposed to date the hot neighbor boy!”

“Vienna, I don’t demand things.” She slams her book shut. “I have bigger things going on in my life than to worry about what you do with yours.”

With a slack jaw, I watch her eyes roll and her body stand.

She adds, “If Adam wasn’t interested in you fourteen years ago, then I’m sorry. I’ll bet that’s a tough pill to swallow.” She bites back a laugh. “Did you think he was secretly obsessed with you all that time? I’m not making fun of you! That’s what every teenage girl thinks. It’s just…maybe that’s why he didn’t like you.”

She brushes past me. I stare, silent, at her empty chair, wondering what conversation we just had. The lamp’s light hits the divot where she just sat.

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