Page 37 of Again, In Autumn

Her eyes go wide. “Shrill?”

I grimace, bunching the socks at my ankle. “So, you don’t follow her on TikTok, huh?”

“No.”

“Good.” I stand up just as the doorbell rings. “Let’s get this over with.”

Francesca says, “Don’t act like this is a giant chore. They’re nice people. Plus, it’s nice to have a distraction from each other. Seven days, just us, is a long time.”

I follow her out to the staircase. The eyes of Heddy’s ancestors stare us down from photographs on a wall, and the wind chimes nailed into the ceiling sing as Grayson rushes out in front of us. A timer rings in the kitchen.

“I’m not a big fan of being neighborly,” I say. “You just can’t trust people nowadays. Invite someone into your home and you never know what they’re going to do to you…”

She pauses mid-stair. “First you didn’t like Adam because he was hot and adventurous, now you don’t like him because, what, he’s a vampire?”

I think it over. “No one truly knows anyone in this world.”

“I don’t know you anymore.”

At the bottom of the stairs, under a purple pendant light, Caroline screams out, “They’re here!”

Clad in jeans and a knit sweater, paler than the moon, she has her sister’s blonde hair and her brother’s nerdy interests, qualities that make Caroline a chameleon. Easy-going and up for a party, she’s the first one at the door.

Alice comes around the corner and snuggles into Francesca’s leg.

Grayson runs up beside Caroline, holding a slingshot and proclaiming he can’t wait to show it to Adam, all while his mother screeches about where he got that weapon from.

Kate stands like a goddess at the top stair.

David walks out of the kitchen in Heddy’s celestial apron, crystals tucked into the pockets.

Adam stands on the other side of the door. And I…can’t be here right now.

“Excuse me,” I mutter, weaving through everyone, sneaking past Caroline’s hand on the doorknob.

While the door opens and cheery introductions are exchanged, I’ve managed to disappear back onto the closet-turned-wet bar and fish out a bottle of wine.

My heart pounds, my ears roar.

I didn’t think it would be this hard. This affecting. I can’t decide which memory infects me more: how lovingly he once touched me, how destroyed he looked when I walked away, or how full and happy he shows up through my phone screen.

The social media algorithms know what they’re doing. I don’t seek Adam out, but I click on his face when I see it, just for a second, so he’s dropped on my feed like bullets and the only way to escape the gunfire would be to sell my belongings and move off the grid.

“What are you doing in here?” Grayson asks.

I pop the cork.

“Getting the wine ready,” I answer. “What are you doing in here?”

“Mom was looking for you. She said you might be on an island.”

I spin around. “Do you want to do me a favor?” I bend to his height as he leans his head backward. “Do you want to be my little buddy tonight, Gray? We can sit beside each other, talk, I’ll give you my dessert. It’s brownies, you love those. When you’re ready to go upstairs for Legos, I’ll go with you –”

“No.” He turns on his heel and walks away.

“We can tell each other secrets!” I call out. “I know where the cookies are!”

He’s gone. I stand, brushing off a five-year-old’s rejection effortlessly.

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