Page 142 of Again, In Autumn

Adam leans forward on the table. “First I wasn’t good enough for her because I was never going to make it as a successful musician. Now I’m not good enough because I did.”

“You’re not good enough, period,” my father seethes. He stands up, pointing to me with a violently shaking finger and my heart stops for a moment. “You go through with this, and I’ll never speak to you again.”

“Really, Dad?” I say.

“Really.” He kicks his chair in and smooths back his silver hair. “I told you that all those years ago. You go off with him, and we are done.”

He storms out of the door, and I watch him go with the heart palpitations of a nine-year-old.

That year I had gone three hundred and sixty-four days without seeing him. He didn’t show up or call for birthdays or holidays. He never checked on us. Then, one day he came in the door while Francesca and I watched TV and the nanny, Anna, made us a pork roast. He ate dinner with us, worked on his computer while we watched more TV and was gone in the morning.

I had a panic attack, Anna took me to the doctor. I remember thinking, I’ll never see my mom again. What if I never see my dad?

Adam shakes his head. “Can you believe that?”

“I need to talk to him,” I say quietly, imagining he’s already grabbing the keys to his car.

“What – no,” Adam says. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“I don’t want him to leave without talking this through.”

He lets out a gasp of surprise. “There’s no way to reason with a guy like that. He’s a dick!”

“Please, Adam, just let me fix this with him,” I urge, taking a step toward the door, looking through the glass for a car rolling down the driveway.

Adam comes around the table. His hot hands rest on the sides of my neck, pulling my attention back to him. He’s shaking, I’m shaking. We’re both hot and upset for two different reasons.

He says calmly, “There’s nothing to fix. Let him leave.”

He’ll never understand why this is important to me.

I cry, “You didn’t have to come to dinner tonight. I told you, you didn’t have to come!”

“So, it’s my fault that he’s an asshole? And ruined Thanksgiving?” Adam drops his hands, dejected. He reads my expression, and his fingers dig into his scalp. “I thought, all this time, that you left with him because he had some hold over you. Money, whatever. But now…” He rubs his face. “You chose him over me.”

“Of course I did!” I shout.

Adam looks at me like I just slapped him in the face.

I explain, “What was I supposed to do? He’s the only parent I have left.”

He stands silently, swaying slightly, grabbing the top of my chair for support. He nods at Heddy, who sits very quietly and mutters, “No. He’s not.”

I look at her with a fast apology, then watch Adam walk out of the room. I follow him, but he stops at the back door and stops me with a hand. “Don’t follow me, Vienna. I can’t talk about this right now.”

“Everything will be fine. I’ll come over later –”

“No.” He looks down at my boots by the door. “Just give me time. Leave me alone.” He glances out the door at my dad’s car. “You’d better hurry or you won’t have time to salvage a one-sided relationship with a man who doesn’t give you the time of day.”

The door slams behind him.

I fight the urge to run out after Adam, to tell him to wait, that all of this is a stupid misunderstanding. Francesca will calm down; my dad will calm down. Everything will be fine in the end.

But I don’t.

He always respected my boundaries. I need to respect his.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

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