Page 10 of Shadows in Bloom

I parked directly under the streetlamp for a reason, its light bathing my car directly. But I peer through the surrounding shadows regardless, hating the heavy thump of my heart in my chest, the sweat lining my palms and prickling the vertebra of my spine. How I know there’s nothing out there, but that doesn’t stop the ever-present feeling of being watched.

Of knowing it’s still possible.

I’ve been so careful. I don’t use credit cards or have any loans. There are no bank accounts in my name or any contracts that I’ve signed. I pay in cash and get paid with cash—which Jaxon and Leo graciously help me with.

I’ve made sure there’s no sign of a paper trail following Fiona Hale out of Le Grande.

But I’m risking it all now—by bringing someone to the only place I feel safe.

When I slip into the driver’s seat, I feel Jamie staring at me, rather obviously. I peer out the corner of my eye into the dark interior of the car as I place my key in the ignition. When our eyes connect and she doesn’t look away, my lips quirk at the corner.

She reaches out and skates her fingers over my cheek, pressing into the dimple in my cheek. “So pretty,” she slurs. I roll my eyes but catch her hand as it drops to the center console with a heavy thunk.

“Thank you, Jamie,” I respond softly as I pull out of the parking lot and onto the main road. Her head rolls against the headrest, eyes half-closed as I drive toward my apartment—which Seb put in his name for me—watching the dark road spread out behind us.

“Mmm, you’re welcome.” She looks around blearily. Blinks a few times. I huff in amusement. “Where’re we going?”

“My apartment.”

Her eyes widen, and she pushes herself up in the seat, managing to lift her head just enough to really look around. “Why?”

I reach across the center console to rest my hand atop her jean-clad thigh. Jamie’s head drops to stare at my hand on her. I flex my fingers, spreading them wide before curling them around her slender but muscular thigh. Her muscles bunch beneath my hand, and my heart flutters in my chest as I feel what I do to her.

Jesus fucking Christ, I’m not going to survive the night. Alone with her and not being able to touch her the way she should be touched. To not have her when I’ve wanted her for so long. And that’s not even mentioning the precarious stability of my life at the moment… and for the foreseeable future.

I have to be able to up and leave at a moment’s notice. I can’t get… attached.

But I can’t take when I’m not sure she even wants. That she can even go there. I don’t know a lot about Jamie, but I do know she was in the closet most of her life, forced to hide who she was because of her family and their extreme religious beliefs. An experience—a pain—I can only imagine. Because as shitty as my own parents were, at least they didn’t care I was gay.

They only ever cared about themselves and their own drama, leaving me and August alone but together.

I swallow the lump in my throat that’s nearly unbearable whenever I think of my twin brother. My best friend. Just… gone.

“Hey,” Jamie’s voice breaks through the reverie, and it’s not until I blink through the blur in my eyes that I realize we’re in the parking lot. Her own fingers are clamping around mine, squeezing. I flex, and she drops my hand, cheeks flushing.

I peer through the windshield, fighting past the weight in my gut. “Come on,” I say instead, grabbing my purse and pushing the door open. It’s quiet but brightly lit with security cameras—the main reason I chose this apartment building. And while it’s on the pricier side, it’s worth it for the extra peace of mind.

Helping Jamie out of the car is easier than it was getting her into it, but tackling the stairs is an entirely different story. By the time I’ve entered the code and we’ve started up the first flight, I’m out of breath and Jamie’s struggling to keep ahold of my shoulders.

“Fuck’s sake,” I mutter, heaving out a breathless chuckle. “Get enough to drink, babe?”

She stumbles. “Was upset,” she eventually mutters after righting herself with a cute little frown. I snort but clasp her waist a little tighter. She reeks of booze, but every once in a while, I get that whiff of lavender again.

When we reach the second flight and I turn left, leading her to my door, she heaves a breath. “Finally.”

“You’re tellin’ me.” I release her to unlock the door, tensing when her finger drags down the side of my damp neck. Jamie curls a lock of my hair around her finger and tugs, drawing a surprised inhale from me.

I lean into her, exhaling when her nose brushes through my hair. “Smell good,” she breathes against me—and I freeze.

Jamie must feel my tension because she pulls back with an apology, her lips skimming the shell of my ear on the way. I bite my bottom lip and shake my head in short bursts, trying to dispel the panic of memories—because that’s all they are.

Haunted memories. But I’m here now.

With Jamie. And I’m okay.

I lean forward with a shaky inhale and push the door open, stepping aside. Jamie looks up at me, confusion scrunching her brows together and causing her mouth to pinch. I look down the long hall, seeing muted, yellow lights cast across cream colored walls and the worn, maroon carpet.

“Gonna stand out here all night?” I prompt, which kicks Jamie into action. She steps past me and into my place. I watch her back as she walks. The flex of her triceps, the subtle sway of her hips. The way her fingers twist in her hair, pulling it over her shoulder. And then, I drop my head between my shoulders and blow out a heavy breath.

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