Page 44 of Home Free

It was the best food she’d ever eaten, but as the meal wore on, her mood started to sink. She’d had such a perfect day with Finn. She wanted more of them.

Wanted a forever of them.

Looking at him sitting across from her, his eyes shining in the candlelight from their table, it felt like everything in the world was possible. She knew Julia was right, that she needed to believe that was true even without Finn, but the thing was, she didn’t want it to be without him.

She thought of Julia’s words in the car at Heathrow.

You’re the strongest person I know. You can do anything.

She’d almost believed it when Julia said it. Could she keep believing it? Could she believe it even without Finn? Believe it enough to build the future she wanted for herself even if it meant building it alone?

I believe in you, but that’s not good enough. It’s time for you to believe in you too.

She could. She would.

She tried to smile through dessert — chantilly cream with sweet biscuits and ricotta mousse with pears — tried to believe that whatever happened, she would be okay.

Alone or with Finn, she would be happy.

It was late by the time they staggered back out onto Rome’s illuminated streets, but it was still fairly crowded, everyone enjoying the warmer weather, sitting next to the fountains and walking hand in hand through the city’s quaint narrow side streets.

Finn took her hand and she leaned on his arm as they walked in silence toward the Tiber.

They made their way along the stone path running next to the river, then ascended the stairs leading to one of the arched bridges. It was like being in a movie, the old street lamps turning the stone gold, casting a blanket of shimmering topaz onto the water meandering below.

They stopped and looked over the edge, the silence between them filling with tension.

“Something you want to talk about, El?” Finn asked softly.

She swallowed the lump that had risen in her throat, forced herself to breathe through the uncertainty expanding in her chest. Whatever came next, she would know. She would know if Finn wanted to be with her the way she wanted to be with him, would start to have a picture of what her future might look like.

She tried to find the best way to begin, then finally settled on the truth that had been constricting her heart. “You haven’t asked me to come with you,” she said softly.

He inhaled sharply next to her. “No.”

She turned to look at him, dread thrumming in her veins. Even now, he wasn’t rushing to correct her, wasn’t rushing to ask her. “Why?”

“At first it was because I didn’t think you wanted to leave Boston, because I didn’t think you wanted to come with me.”

She was mortified to feel tears sting her eyes. She blinked them back.

“When did I say I didn’t want to come with you, Finn?” She hadn’t intended for it to come out so loud, almost a shout, an accusation, but all the worry and frustration she’d kept bottled up erupted from her throat without her permission.

He flinched, as surprised by the outburst as she was.

“You didn’t ask.” She stared at him. “You didn’t ask, Finn.”

She walked away, not sure she could control her emotions much longer.

“El, wait!” She heard his footsteps on the stone behind her, then felt his hand on her arm. “Please, let me explain.”

She turned to face him. “You don’t have to explain. We agreed in the beginning there would be no promises, that you would leave and we would part as friends. I just… I didn’t expect to feel this way about you, that’s all.”

They’d confessed to loving each other, but this was about more than love. People loved lots of other people in their lifetime, but how many of those people stayed? How many of those people did you want to stay?

“I didn’t expect it either.” He took her hands. “I’ve wanted to ask you for a long time.”

“Then why haven’t you?” She wasn’t sure she believed it. Wasn’t that what someone said when they didn’t know what else to say? When they were put on the spot?

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