Page 40 of Home Free

Elise nodded. “I’m sure. I need to see this through, for Finn and for myself.”

“It’ll probably be a lot of waiting,” Julia said.

Apparently, the Syndicate thing was kind of a big deal. Ronan had explained to both Finn and Elise that the Syndicate controlled most of the organized crime around the world. Harming someone under their protection meant deadly consequences for anyone who dared to try, even if the potential victim was a murderous old bastard like Aldrich Cromwell.

They needed permission, and that permission had to be secured through what Ronan called “proper channels.”

“That’s okay. Not like I have anything else to do.” Elise hadn’t meant for it to come out so gloomy. Now that they knew who’d ordered Fedir and Iryna’s murder, Elise was closing in on the end of her time with Finn.

The Syndicate would give their approval for Ronan and Finn to take out Aldrich Cromwell — to murder him, Elise made herself acknowledge — or they wouldn’t. Either way, she could feel the sand running out of the hourglass of their relationship.

The car filled with lights as they entered airport traffic, large signs overhead pointing to various terminals.

The driver took the ramp for the charter terminal and a few seconds later, they were pulling though the gates. They stopped outside the small terminal. In the distance, Elise could see the MIS jet, its lights illuminating the tarmac.

Julia turned to her in the back seat. “What are you waiting for, El?”

“What do you mean?” Elise asked.

“You have to talk to him. Just tell him you need to talk about the future, that you need to know,” Julia said.

“What if he tells me something I don’t want to hear?”

It was her deepest, darkest fear, the one she hadn’t dared voice. What if he didn’t want her like she wanted him? Was she strong enough to hear it from his own lips? Strong enough to live her life knowing he hadn’t felt the same way about her that she felt about him? That he hadn’t wanted the same things?

“So what?” Julia said.

“Easy for you to say,” Elise said, crossing her arms over her chest. Julia already had the man of her dreams.

“Yes, now. But it wasn’t always easy, El. There was a time when I didn’t know what the future held for Ronan and me, when I didn’t know if he could ever be the kind of man who wanted to settle down with a family.”

Elise felt a pang of guilt. She knew it was true, knew Julia had struggled with doubt over her relationship with Ronan when they’d first fallen in love, but Elise had been too deep in her trauma to be there for her sister at the time.

Like so many things in their lives, Julia had gone through it mostly alone.

“I’m sorry,” Elise said. “I wasn’t there for you like you’re here for me.”

Julia leaned forward, her face illuminated by the airport lights. She looked into Elise’s eyes. “You never have to apologize to me again, okay? Yes, I took care of you when we were kids, and maybe even when we moved out of Mom’s house into the apartment in the city. But taking care of you saved me too. It gave me a purpose I wouldn’t have had otherwise.” She smiled. “Will you believe me if I say everything turned out just like it was supposed to? That without every single thing that happened — the good ones and the shitty ones too — I wouldn’t be right here, right now? I wouldn’t have Ronan loving me and our son waiting for me. I can’t imagine it. Can you?”

Elise shook her head.

“You know what I think?” Julia asked.

“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”

“Ha-ha,” Julia said. “But you’re right. I am going to tell you. I think you don’t believe you deserve Finn. I think you’re still beating yourself up for all the ways you think you screwed up in the past. I think you still blame yourself for what happened to you, even after all that therapy and stuff. It’s natural. It’s understandable. But Elise? Enough. It’s time to let all that shit go, okay?”

Elise’s eyes filled with tears, Julia’s words boring into all her most vulnerable spots like a finger pressing into a still-healing wound. “I don’t know if I can.”

“I don’t believe that. You’re the strongest person I know. You can do anything,” Julia said.

“I thought you were the strong one,” Elise said.

Julia shook her head. “Not by a long shot, El. It’s always been you. You’ve always been the one brave enough to ask for what you want, to take it.”

“That wasn’t always a good thing,” Elise reminded her.

“Maybe not, but now you have the maturity to temper that courage. I believe in you, but that’s not good enough. It’s time for you to believe in you too.”

---