Page 31 of Home Free

“You’re right.” He stood, stuffing his hands into his jeans, and trying to find the words to fix it. “I’ve been alone a long time, El. Alone with all the stuff that happened to me when I was a kid.” His mom’s face flashed in his mind, his sister’s. “I guess I got used to keeping it inside, to living with it. But living with it…” He shook his head. “Living with it’s been a bitch. How could I lay that on you after all you’ve been through?”

She crossed the path and took his hands. “You just said being close to someone, loving someone, meant knowing them. Don’t you think I want to know you too? Don’t you think I want to be needed too? Or do I have to spend the rest of my life being the one who needs someone? Do you know how… disempowering that feels to think about?”

The words cut him into pieces. She’d asked him from the beginning not to treat her differently because of what had happened to her. He’d agreed, but when it counted, when he’d needed her, he hadn’t let her in.

Not willingly.

He’d told himself it was to protect her, but she was right: he’d been protecting himself too. Using what had happened to her, his desire to protect her, as an excuse.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, looking down at her. “I’m all fucked up.”

She shook her head. “You’re not. You're just human.” She smiled up at him. “Me too. Think we can try being human together? No one the superhero saving the day. No one the victim always needing help. Just two people walking together through this beautiful mess of a life.”

“You still think it’s beautiful?” he asked.

She nodded and looked into his eyes. “Don’t get me wrong. It’s messed up sometimes too.”

“Totally messed up,” he agreed.

“But yeah,” she continued. “Even that part is beautiful in its own way, and I want to share that with you. All of it, for as long as we have together. Think you can handle that?”

He swallowed the lump that rose in his throat and pulled her into his arms. “I can try.”

16

Elise spent the next day shopping for dresses with Julia while Ronan and Finn had a video call with Clay to get the details for the gala that night.

It was nice to be in a new place with the security of her sister by her side, nice to do something indulgent together. They’d been pretty poor growing up, and when they’d moved into an apartment in Boston together (Elise had always known Julia suggested they share a place so she could keep an eye on Elise), Elise had quickly gotten sidetracked.

She’d done lots of cool things, but none of them had been with her sister, the one person who deserved it more than anybody. She was glad Julia finally had the life she deserved, even if Julia didn’t always seem comfortable spending money.

When they were done shopping, they sent their purchases ahead to the hotel and went to the Savoy where Ronan had pulled some strings to get them a reservation.

Elise followed the maître d’ to their table, surprised by the intimacy of the place. It wasn’t as big as she’d expected, and she relaxed a little as they passed small tables occupied by other diners, everyone talking in low tones that contributed to a comforting hum.

“This is so pretty,” Julia said, looking around when they got seated.

What the restaurant lacked in size it made up for in grandiosity. The walls were adorned with Corinthian columns and deep moldings, an elaborate gazebo rising in the middle of the room. Dainty sofas were set up around the room, complete with throw pillows and end tables.

“I feel like I’m in the parlor of some English manor house,” Elise said.

“Let’s order everything,” Julia said, her eyes shining. “I’m starving.”

Elise grinned. “You had me at everything.”

They ordered a full afternoon tea and Elise sat back with a sigh, studying her sister. She looked rested and vibrant, her cheeks flushed, eyes shining. Her dark blond hair, recently cut to make it easier to manage with JT, curled softly around her face.

“What?” Julia asked, brushing at her cheeks. Do I have something on my face?”

Elise shook her head. “I was just thinking you look better, that’s all.”

“Gee thanks,” Julia said.

Elise rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. You always look great, but you have a lot on your plate back home, and you do a lot of it alone when Ronan’s in the field.”

“In the field” was MIS code for the times Ronan had to travel to complete a job.

“I have more help than most women,” Julia pointed out.

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