Page 118 of Something Forever

“Okay,” my dad says, sounding far away. “I won’t mention it again.”

I nod sharply, my stomach churning. I should feel relieved, but instead it feels like the final nail in the coffin. Without my dad’s nagging voice in my head encouraging me to talk to her, all I’m left with is a crushing sense of defeat. Shaking my head, I rub my chest, trying to ease some of the pain building there, but it’s no use. There’s nothing I can do. Nothing except face the reality that Whitney is no longer mine, and maybe… maybe she never was.

“I just need a place to chill out for a bit while I figure shit out. I’m thinking of going back to school, so that’s my focus now,” I say, pivoting the conversation.

His face lights up, and fuck if that hopeful expression on his face doesn’t make me feel like shit.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I talked to someone in the admissions office, and it turns out I wasn’t officially withdrawn, so there’s a chance I can start back up.”

His smile grows. “That’s amazing, Li.”

I rub the back of my neck, faltering under his praise. I never would have found the conviction to go back to school and give it another shot if it weren’t for Whitney. She’s the one who inspired me to help Jackson and gave me the confidence to go after the future I really want.

A future that I always envisioned with her by my side.

The dull ache in my chest intensifies with the realization that the future I’ve been imagining isn’t happening. Not with her. Maybe I’ll finally finish my degree, but I’ll be standing up on that graduation stage alone.

No Luke. No Whitney.

Just me.

When I wake up the next morning, it takes me a few minutes to get my bearings. Waking up in an unfamiliar room sends a flash of panic through me, but then I remember the last twenty-four hours. I remember that I’m not in New York. I remember that my marriage is over.

Rolling over in bed, I reach for my phone, and my heart sinks when I see what’s on the screen.

A voicemail from Whitney. Missed calls from Whitney.

My chest tightens, and suddenly the corners of my vision blur, a sensation of panic taking over. I feel myself trying to inhale, gasping for breath, but it doesn’t seem to do anything.

I can’t breathe. I can’t breathe.

She needed you. She needed you to pick up, and you didn’t. She needed you to answer her, and you weren’t there. You left her.

Just like you left Luke.

My hands shaking, I press to listen to the voicemail immediately. What if she was in an accident? What if she’s in the hospital? Oh God. She wouldn’t… she wouldn’t hurt herself. No, she wouldn’t do that. Right?

You didn’t think Luke would, either.

I need to hear her voice. Need to make sure that she’s okay. That she’s safe. My stomach lurches, and for a second, I’m sure that I’m going to throw up. Forcing myself to take another steady breath, I press the phone to my ear, and listen to the voicemail, fear overtaking me. My whole body shakes, my jaw clenched so tight I rub my hand against it, trying to ease some of the tension. But when I finally hear her voice, when I compute the words she’s saying, the fear in my body dissipates, the vice grip around my heart loosening.

Only to be replaced with a single, clear thought, a rush of guilt and mortification accompanying it:

I’ve made a huge mistake.

43

WHITNEY

“Did you sign them yet?”

Caroline sits across from me at the diner, her arms crossed. The bags under her eyes more pronounced than usual, probably a mirror of my own. Since Liam left a few days ago, I feel like I’m in a waking nightmare. One that never seems to end.

“I will,” I reply unsteadily, unsure who I’m trying to convince more: her, or myself.

She frowns. “What are you waiting for?”

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