Page 116 of Something Forever

Another swell of pain rises in my chest, my heart aching with despair and longing. “He ignored my calls. I left him a horrible voicemail. I was so angry.”

“Just keep trying. Keep calling him. He cares about you so much. I know he does,” Abbi replies.

“Obviously not, since he wants a divorce,” I snap, anger seeping into my voice.

Abbi hums. “Something isn’t adding up. A man doesn’t tell you he loves you and then ask for a divorce the same day. It just doesn’t make sense.”

“I don’t know. I worry that it was codependent. He’s gone, and I feel like I’m dying. Nobody should have that type of power over me. He was going through so much with Luke, and it felt like he was so focused on me, on us, and not on his own path. I want what’s best for him, and now I’m worried that I was holding him back. That he’s better off without me.”

“First of all, nobody is better off without you, so get that out of your head,” Abbi interrupts. “Secondly, you are the most independent, driven person I know. There’s nothing wrong with letting yourself rely on somebody.”

“Yeah, well, look at where it got me.” I let out a humorless laugh, hating the coldness of it.

“Why don’t you come here? Fly out to meet me,” Abbi suggests. “We can drown your sorrows in cheap liquor and hot basketball players. I’ll hook you up with one of Shane’s teammates.”

“I’ll be okay,” I reply, unsure if I’m trying to convince her or myself. “I’ll let you go. I should shower or something.”

“Okay,” Abbi says, hesitation clear in her tone. She probably knows I won’t listen to her advice. “Call me whenever. Seriously. I’ll come back to the city if you need me to.”

“It’s really okay. I’ll call you.”

“Love you,” she says, and the words cause a swell in my chest. Will it ever not hurt to hear those words?

“I love you, too,” I reply despite the lump growing in my throat.

After I hang up, I sit in silence, trying to adjust to this feeling of emptiness. I almost laugh, remembering how badly I wanted Liam out of the apartment when he first arrived. Now that he’s gone, I hate that I ever wished it into existence. Glancing around at the empty room, I close my eyes, trying to ward off the reality of this moment and how it crystallizes inside of me, but it’s no use. One truth remains.

I have never been more alone.

42

LIAM

Ididn’t think the suburbs of Philadelphia would be my solace from a broken heart.

Yet here I am, doing what I do best: running away.

I considered returning to Darius and Jackson’s house and asking Mr. Cooper to let me stay with them for a while, but I thought better of it. I don’t want them to feel beholden to me, as if they have to let me crash on their couch just because I’m setting Jackson up with this scholarship.

Instead, I dragged my suitcase to Penn Station and bought a ticket for the next Amtrak to Philly. I called my dad on the way, keeping the conversation brief and avoiding any details. If he was surprised by my abrupt visit, he didn’t let on. He just encouraged me to come on by and told me that he’d make up the spare bedroom for me.

On the ride over, I called the Columbia Admissions office. The best way to distract myself from my shattered heart is to focus on what I can control. If Jackson can follow his dreams, so can I. Maybe there’s a chance, somehow, that I can still finish my degree. That I can find my way back to the idea of having a career. A job that I actually get excited about when I wake up in the morning.

When I finally got connected to someone with my transcripts on hand, the words poured out of me. I told her about my time at Columbia, about Luke and how I dropped out after he died. How I’ve been getting my life back on track and realizing that finishing my degree is what I really want. Once I finished explaining, she said the last thing I expected to hear. “Hmm, that’s strange. We actually don’t have any record of an official withdrawal.”

“What do you mean? I stopped showing up. I moved out of the dorms.”

“Right,” she said. “According to your transcripts, you do have four incompletes from that semester. However, you are technically still enrolled at the school. You’d have to connect with your department head, but it’s my understanding that if you want to complete your degree, that is still possible.”

“Wow,” I replied, reeling. “I don’t know what to say.”

I guess it’s true that I never officially submitted any paperwork withdrawing, but I assumed that the whole me-not-showing-up thing was enough for them to get the picture. My professors emailed me over and over, and I ignored all of it. I was so shut down, I didn’t care what happened. But if there’s even the tiniest possibility that I could finish my degree, I’m taking it.

I stomped toward the house with that determination in my bones, but as I stepped through the threshold of my dad’s front door, all zeal in me evaporated. Since, my dad has been alternating between glee at having me here and vague concern for my surly mood. I think he can sense that this isn’t your typical father-son bonding time. If my expression is any indication of how I’m feeling, I probably look downright murderous.

“So,” Andy says from his spot on the couch, interrupting my train of thought. “You plan on staying a while?”

I try and fail to suppress a sigh. I should have known he’d start asking questions as soon as I arrived. At least he gave me a solid ten minutes to settle in before starting the interrogation.

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