Page 124 of Something Forever

I’m losing the point. I don’t want this to be my pity party. The point is… I’m terrified of letting the people I love down. When I saw that note, I figured I’d already messed up somehow. That maybe you knew the same thing I did. That I’d fuck it up.

The worst part is that I did. I took something beautiful and pure and perfect and destroyed it.

When I saw that voicemail from you, I can’t describe how scared I was. It was just like that night with Luke, except so much worse. Because somehow, I survived his loss. I managed to get out of bed, feed myself, and keep going. But I know that if I ever lost you, I’d be destroyed. I can’t lose you, Whitney.

I meant what I said before: I’m done running. Finding you was like coming home, and I never, ever want to leave. All I really want to say is that I love you and I miss you and I don’t even know if you’re reading these letters but if you are, thank you. Thank you for believing in me when I couldn’t believe in myself. For loving me even when I can’t love myself.

I was scared to tell you how I felt. I was scared I would lose you if you knew the depth of my feelings. Us starting out the way we did… it was like constantly walking a tightrope between real and fake. Never knowing how much you’d let me have. Never being sure if you were feeling what I was feeling. Settling for any tiny piece when I wanted everything.

I want everything with you, baby.

I miss you.

Yours forever,

Liam

Tears are streaming down my face in earnest. I try to catch my breath, gasping for air, but the tears just come harder and harder.

God, I miss him so much.

Squeezing my eyes closed, I take a deep breath, imagining that Liam were standing here in front of me. Imagining him wrapping me in his arms and holding me against his broad, warm chest. His hands rubbing soft, soothing circles on my back.

How am I supposed to do this without him?

My phone buzzes in my back pocket and I wipe at my face, sniffling. I slip my phone out of my pocket to see Trent calling.

“Hello?”

“Ms. Rhodes,” he greets me. “How are you?”

“I’m okay, thank you,” I reply, sounding very much not okay.

“I just wanted to check in regarding our last conversation about Agnes’ will. Shall I move forward with the redistribution with the understanding that you no longer meet the conditions of the inheritance?”

I open my mouth to respond but stop myself when I glance back down at the letter in my hands. At the words shining up at me.

I want everything with you.

“Actually,” I say, determination spiking in my chest. “Do you think you could help me with something?”

46

LIAM

“Man, you really are pathetic.”

Darius is joking, but he’s not wrong. This is my fifth letter I’ve written to Whitney with not a single response. I pacify myself by thinking that she hasn’t read them. It hurts to think she’ll never know the true depth of my feelings, but it’s worse to imagine that she read all of my confessions and still wants nothing to do with me.

It’s been almost two weeks since I saw my wife’s face. Two weeks since she asked me to leave her alone. Two weeks of utter silence.

“It’s not pathetic. It’s romantic,” I argue, shoving Darius’s shoulder.

He shoves me back, laughing. “Nah, you’re a total simp.”

I roll my eyes and put my pen down, distracted by his ribbing. He’s not exactly helping me get into the right mindset with his mocking tone. I’ve been struggling to keep up with the letters, starting to feel, as Darius quite eloquently puts it, pretty damn pathetic. I’ve never tried this hard with a woman in my entire life, but with Whitney, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get her back.

“I don’t care if I am a simp,” I tell him. “I’m a man on a mission.”

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