Page 40 of Ruby & Onyx

The chilled ocean breeze conjures tiny bumps on my skin. I take another step closer to him, nearly closing the gap between us, so that the heat of his body warms mine. Our eyes lock as he reaches a hand to my shoulder and gently caresses my skin. The movement is gentle and soothing. I hear a small voice in my mind urging me to run away, to shore up the walls around my heart, but my feet remain firmly planted, leaning into this moment. He tucks a stray hair behind my ear, and a shiver runs down my spine. All of the suppressed desire and longing rush to the surface.

I want this. I want him.

That thought scares me more than any future arrangement ever could.

He slowly lowers his head to mine, and we stand forehead to forehead, drawing breaths in unison. His hand crawls up the back of my neck until his fingers weave through my hair. It is such a gentle gesture, but it makes me feel safe, and seen, and wanted.

Maybe it is the bubbly, or maybe it is my loneliness begging to be forgotten, but I angle my head to the side, positioning myself for his lips to meet mine. He holds me there, poised for the taking, for several heartbeats.

“We should head back inside,” he says abruptly, squelching that thought before it can develop any further. He turns on his heels and darts toward the staircase without another word.

The air rushes out of my lungs in one sudden lurch, leaving me unsteady. I remain silent as I follow him back into the palace, winding down the spiral stairs and questioning everything. Did I do something wrong? Or am I just so undesirable that even my betrothed doesn’t want me?

The familiar sting of loneliness welcomes me back into its grasp.

Chapter 17

An entire week passes without any sign of Olly. He left without so much as a note to explain his sudden change of heart on the rooftop. If the twins hadn’t told me that he went to meet with the war council near the border, then I would have thought he had disappeared altogether. Why couldn’t he at least say goodbye?

I know that he is there because it is his duty and, given the recent developments in Carcera, there is no better time to strategize. I know that. But the demon on my shoulder refuses to stop planting seeds of doubt.

The timing of it stings. We nearly share a kiss and then he suddenly departs to the other side of the country. Is he avoiding me? What if I imagined the whole thing? Maybe I perceived the situation to be more intimate than he did. It was me, after all, that leaned in. Not him. Was he so repulsed by me that he went running to the opposite side of the kingdom? Oh no. Was he dropping hints that I was just too foolish to notice? He did say that he sometimes resents me. What if his resentment extends further than he let on?

We were only ever meant to be friends so that I could sway him toward my cause. My quickening pulse seems to have forgotten that cause entirely.

If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t even know for sure that I want our friendship to progress in that way. I hardly even know the man and every conversation ends with me storming off in a foul mood. I don’t want to be with him, not really.

My logical side knows that.

It must have been the bubbly clouding my judgment and pulverizing that logic.

I feel embarrassed for acting so foolish. Perhaps it was a good thing that he nipped it in the bud before I had a chance to destroy any inkling of friendship.

The one benefit of my anguish is that I can now summon fire on command. I lit candles, fireplaces, and bonfires with ease. Sir Magis had me conjuring flames all week and refused to move on to other tasks until I could safely extinguish them. On the other hand, it seems that reaching a truly joyful and calm mental state is out of the question at the moment.

There was a particularly close call with a candle placed far too close to a curtain. Fortunately, Sir Magis had the foresight to invite several maids to our lessons, each armed with a bucket of water.

With my mind constantly flitting back and forth from one shameful scenario to the next, I hardly feel up for being around new people. But amid that bubbly high at the banquet, I agreed to explore Somne with Liliana. At the time, it seemed like a great idea. So far away. But now that she’s arriving soon, I wholly regret my decision.

I walk out to my bedroom balcony and inhale a deep breath of the cool sea breeze, desperate to calm my mind. I am worthy. I am capable. I am strong.

I repeat these words in my head, hoping that they might ease some of my stress. My mother used to chant like this when the world became too dark and lonely a place. Her words echoed throughout the cottage like a hymnal plea. And just when I start to feel a hint of relief, the twins knock on the door.

“Radya, Liliana is waiting in the foyer. Are you ready? Would you like for us to walk with you?” Viola offers in a gesture that I greatly appreciate. This palace, with all of its twisting and winding corridors, confuses the hell out of me.

“Yes, please. And, Viola?”

“Yes?” She responds with a touch of uncertainty.

“Would you come with me? And Liliana. Would you join us? We’re going to explore Somne, I believe. Gemma, I’d love for you to join us, too.” They look at each other with raised brows, and I mentally plead with them to accept. They have a calming presence that I could clearly use right now. “Come on, it’ll be fun! You guys are always cooped up in the palace, so maybe it would be nice to get out!”

“I’m sorry, Radya. We would love to, but we have work to do here.” Gemma offers a sweet smile, but I can’t hide my disappointment. “Come now, you’ll have a great time. We’ll take you exploring another day.”

I nod, taking one last calming breath before following them through the corridor.

* * *

When Liliana greets me, she exudes the same vivacity that warmed me to her at the banquet. Her tunic and trousers with black leather gloves seem more practical than the dress I’m wearing now. Are we riding? Should I have worn something similar? Before I have another moment to consider the option, she pulls me out the door.

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