Page 102 of Ruby & Onyx

I grimace at the thought of war.

The inevitable truth is that after refusing to marry Olly and possibly burning down the Palace of Light, war is a guarantee. More people will die because of me. The last thing I want in this life is to be the cause of more suffering.

We will do what we can to avoid war, Bas says in my mind.

What if it is inevitable?

“I want to be prepared for war. I want to train for it. Will you teach me? Both of you?” When that day comes, I want to defend the people I love.

“Hell yeah.” Amin punches me in the shoulder hard enough that I stumble back a step, which makes him frown. “We’ll get there.”

Though Bas’ eyes are still red and puffy, and the tears still mark his cheeks, he smiles and says, “I would love nothing more.”

“Good. That’s settled.” So many questions have yet to be answered, and so many plans still to be made, but one question rises to my lips first. “Where’s everyone else? Gemma? Guylita?” I almost say Viola but then the aching memory of her betrayal resurfaces.

I realize that I haven’t seen them. And I haven’t had a chance to thank them yet, either. To really, truly thank them.

I look from Amin to Bas, both of them are looking out to the horizon and not to me.

“What? Where are they?” My heart starts to thunder.

Where are they? I shout through my mind when answers do not come.

“Gemma is in the crew quarters,” Bas tells me, face sagging.

“Why do you look like that? What’s wrong?” Please don’t say it. Don’t say that I lost her, too.

“She’s… broken,” Bas says.

“What happened? Did she break an arm?” If she broke her foot or her hand, then that would be a fixable ailment. But if she broke… I don’t know, maybe her spine, then she may never walk again. Oh, gods.

“It’s not her body that’s broken. She just…” Bas’ voice trails off like it’s too hard to form the right words

“After her sister betrayed us, she shattered. She’s been staring at the cabin wall for hours without moving,” Amin finishes the explanation for Bas. “She won’t talk, won’t eat, nothing.”

My heart drops.

This is my fault.

“What about Guylita?” I can hardly stand to ask the question, but I need to know that she made it. I need to know that another innocent life was not destroyed because of me.

An even graver look washes over them, and I’m afraid that I already know the answer.

“How?” I ask as a lump builds in my throat.

“She inhaled too much smoke,” Amin tells me, low and regretful. “She was a nice lady.”

I squeeze my eyes shut as tight as I possibly can, trying to force time to rewind. If I could just will the world to reverse its rotation, undoing the events of this past month as it spins, then Gemma and Viola would still be happy and Guylita never would have gotten caught up in this mess. It’s because of me that she’s dead. It’s my fault that Viola was put in a position to betray her sister.

As if sensing my anguish, Amin says, “It’s not your fault.”

Such meaningless words.

“If it weren’t for me, she wouldn’t have been in that dungeon. If I hadn’t asked Gemma to come, then Viola would have never tipped off Olly. If I hadn’t created that fire, then Guylita wouldn’t have died. These are the direct results of my actions. How can you tell me that it’s not my fault?” I know that he’s trying to be kind, but it’s unbearable.

“Well, when you put it that way…” Amin shrugs but quickly apologizes after receiving a blow to the ribs from Bas’ elbow.

“What are you going to do about it?” Bas asks, and it catches me off guard.

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