Page 82 of Lost in the Current of You

The side of my lip ticked up. “Yeah, it does. But I still feel like I’m waiting for the ball to drop and for her to return to the same old Mum she used to be.”

“It’s hard to forget all the damage that’s been done. It won’t disappear overnight, but don’t let it hold you back from building a relationship with her.”

I looked at him as I nodded. “I won’t. I just don’t want to be disappointed again.”

He leaned forward, moving my hair off my shoulder. “Who couldn’t love you?”

My heart lodged in my throat at his words, and he seemed to realise what he said at the same time as he pulled away from me. He broke the moment immediately as he cleared his throat and stood from the booth before holding a hand towards me.

“Come on. I want to take you somewhere else.”

I pasted my smile back on and took his hand as he gathered our empty cups and threw them in the bin.

“Where to?”

He shot a mischievous look over his shoulder as he dragged me behind him out of the shop and down the street. The little hiccup of a moment swept aside and forgotten. “You’ll see when we’re there.”

He tucked me under his arm as we walked and talked through the city. I didn’t have a clue where we were going, but he seemed to and I felt safe in his arms. I would follow him anywhere if he held my hand along the way.

And then, he stopped in front of the largest art gallery in the city.

I could feel the curve of his lips against my ear as he stood behind me and my heart beat out of my chest.

“Want to go in?” He asked, his warm breath sending goosebumps down my whole body.

The widest smile I’d ever worn spread across my face as I turned to him. “I do.”

He stayed behind me as I wandered throughout the gallery, admiring the artwork on the walls and feeling my heart call to them. I could feel his eyes on me the entire time which made my heart beat faster in my chest. But I couldn’t tear my eyes from the walls.

When we came to a room full of photography, I felt longing. With stars in my eyes, I dreamed up the fantasy of having my photographs on these walls and having people admire them as I did with the ones in this room.

“You know, I’ve always been so lost and frightened of how my life would end up like. I had nothing going for me. I had nothing I enjoyed. I had no dreams or goals to exceed. But then my brother handed me a camera before that trip to Airlie Beach, and I feel like if that didn’t happen, I would still be wandering around helplessly. Because now, I’m dreaming of my own art on these walls as if I would be good enough to have them hung in galleries like this. Isn’t that crazy?”

I didn’t look at Reece as I talked. I just looked at the canvas in front of me, depicting a woman’s face submerged in water, the rippling reflection and dark lighting captivating me in ways that I saw myself in it.

His footsteps echoed as he made his way to me, standing to my left as he took in the same canvas. His fingers laced with mine and it was instantly grounding.

“I don’t think that’s crazy. I think you can do anything you put your mind to. I think any gallery in the world would be lucky to hold your art on their walls. Dreaming is how we get to what we want. So, I don’t think anything you dream of will ever be ridiculous or unrealistic. I think you need to take those dreams and chase after them if that’s what makes you happy. Because you do deserve to be happy, Kody.”

I turned to him then, eyes lining with tears as I took in the sincerity in his eyes. Then I stepped closer to him, winding my arms around his neck before pressing my lips to his. His arms immediately wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer to his chest.

The emotions welling in my chest were foreign and I couldn’t pinpoint a single one. It was as overwhelming as the kiss. The way he held me like he was afraid to let go. The way his lips breathed life into me. The way he deepened the kiss and drew me into his fire. The way I could feel his heart beating in tandem with mine.

I pulled away, his forehead dropping onto mine as we were absorbed in each other’s bubble.

But it was when I opened my eyes that it all caught in my throat like someone had tried to yank it out of my stomach, and I was confronted with the meaning of those whirling feelings. A four-letter word that has stopped me from building anything real. And I was ready to risk it all when three words I had avoided with anyone but my dad sat at the bottom of my throat.

I watched a soft crease form in the middle of his brows as his eyes bounced between my own, his own internal fight shining through. There was an awkward pause between us and I didn’t know what to do about it. I stood there, my gut twisting as I tried to swallow down the loud thoughts.

He stepped back, creating a gap between us, although it felt as if miles had been wedged between us.

He cleared his throat. “We better head back home. My dad is expecting me.”

It felt as though a knife had been dug into my chest, but I was happy for the escape because I wanted to run. I wanted to run far away and into the safety that I knew.

In the back of my mind, I knew this wasn’t normal but I could hear nothing but the noise in my head. My once relief from it, wiped away as my biggest fear smacked me right in the face.

It was a quiet drive home, and I sat there fiddling with my fingers, not knowing what else to do.

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