Page 77 of Lost in the Current of You

Sensing my hesitation, she jumped to add, “I want to make it up to you, and I know my promises have no real hold on you because I’ve destroyed your trust, but I really just want to have my daughter back. Can you trust me in that?”

I swallowed, looking over at her, and her usual blank expression melted away as she regarded me with a soft, almost pleading look.

“I don’t know if I’ll be able to fully trust you just like that,” I started and her face fell. “But I’m willing to try? I think it’ll take some time, but if you’re willing to actually show up and not make me feel like I’m a disappointment to you, then I guess I’ll see you next Thursday.”

I escaped her office before she could reply and exhaled a deep breath, the room making me feel suffocated with the uncertainty and the tiptoeing around.

But I felt like it was a step in the right direction for us, and maybe I would actually feel like I had a mother again.

30

I spent the weekend with Avery and Alex before they left for the start of the university semester. It was the last free weekend I had with them, and not going to lie, it made me sad.

Although it felt like I was finding my footing in life a little bit, I still felt that niggling fear of being left behind. I was scared that once they left, they’d find people better than me, and I’d lose contact with them as time went by. They’ve been in my life for the better half of it and I don’t know what I would do without them.

Maybe this was all stirring back up after the week I just spent with my mother and realising how caught up in real world you can get. From work to coming home to crashing into bed after a long day, I didn’t really want to do anything at the end of the day and I imagine University would be much the same. This recurring fear is almost becoming tiresome and I hate feeling so clingy.

I almost laughed at myself because I hadn’t really talked to them since my birthday. I had been so caught up in Reece that I hadn’t thought to reach out to them. I’ve been so caught up in him and running around in the shadows with him. But those shadows had been like a wistful escape from my inner nagging thoughts, and it had been nice to let go and be present with him.

“Dakota, what do you think?” Alex’s question snapped me back into the present and I looked at him as he held up a plain grey T-shirt with khaki pants.

“Sure,” I answered, pasting on a smile and nodding.

He dropped his arms as he shot me a deadpan look. “You weren’t even paying attention, were you.”

He didn’t phrase it as a question, he already knew I wasn’t.

He narrowed his gaze. “What’s going on with you?”

I shrugged, turning my attention to the rack of clothes in front of me. They were men’s shirts that Alex had just plucked the grey shirt from, but I needed to distract myself from his, and now Avery’s, inquisitive gazes.

“I’m fine. I’m just… my head is a bit all over the place at the moment, to be honest. Sorry,” I said in a way to hopefully brush off my moment of zoning out.

I didn’t want to burden them with my thoughts but I should have known they would take that little admission and turn this outing into a therapy session of sorts. They would drag it out of me with their persuasive methods like they always do.

“You know you can talk to us, right? We’re always here for you. The good, the bad, the ugly, remember?” Avery said, squeezing my arm as she looked at me with soft eyes and a small comforting smile playing on her lips.

“Exactly. Unload on us, stop carrying all those thoughts in your head, or you’ll tip over with that big head of yours,” Alex added, nudging my arm as I turned and lightly punched his arm playfully.

Avery took that time to mumble under her breath, “It’s a wonder you haven’t already.”

I scoffed a laugh. “Oh, okay, this is just making me not tell you guys anything.”

They both grinned at me.

“You know we’re joking. But on a serious note, stop bottling up so much and tell us what’s wrong,” Avery commanded while casually flicking through the rack of shirts I had been busying myself with before. She pulled out a white graphic shirt and showed Alex, who hummed over it before taking it and adding it to his pile to try on.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been a very good friend lately. I haven’t really spoken to you guys in almost a month. I only saw you vaguely at Reece’s party, but then I ditched you guys there as well.”

Avery waved my apology off. “It’s fine, ‘Kods. I don’t care if we don’t speak every day. So long as I know you are both okay, I’m happy.”

I chewed on the inside of my bottom lip before the admission reluctantly fell from my lips. “I have this… fear that you guys will slowly forget me in time. That we’ll lose contact and move on once you guys start your lives. And I don’t want that to happen.”

Avery grabbed my shoulders and pulled me to face her. “We have been a part of each other’s lives for almost 13 years, like hell that would happen. Life would be incredibly weird and dull not having you both in it. I know I’m going to be moving away, but I will make sure to check up on you guys at least once a week, I promise. I would never leave you.”

“Hear, hear. I don’t think anyone else would be able to handle all my quirks like you guys. I don’t know what I would do if I wasn’t annoying you daily either.”

I chuckled, trying to subtly blink back the tears in my eyes. “You know, I love you guys.”

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