Page 66 of Lost in the Current of You

Reece let out an empty chuckle before he opened his eyes and dropped them to mine. What I saw dropped my heart. Water lined them, just waiting to break through and escape down his cheek. His eyes were puffy from the unshed tears, and I wanted to crawl into his lap and try to somehow transfer all the pain that deepened in his eyes into me so he didn’t suffer anymore.

He swore under his breath before choking out, “The universe must be telling me something.” He leaned his head back against the headrest. “This was my mother’s favourite.”

I wanted to know more, but I didn’t question him. I kept silent as he swallowed as if to push down his emotions and reached for my hand. He squeezed it twice as soon as I grasped it. It was like a wordless ‘thank you’ that I understood immediately.

I sat there, letting the music wash over us, holding his hand as if I could pour whatever strength I had into him through that connection.

Reece’s voice was more of a croak as he began to speak. “I don’t actually know if this song specifically was her favourite, but Dad told me she loved Matchbox Twenty.” A smile touched his lips but his eyes remained closed. “And I feel more connected to her listening to this song.” Then he swallowed, his smile dropping. “I kept her CDs and hid them when Dad started throwing her things away. It’s the only thing of hers that I have.”

There was a bitter chuckle that escaped him as he lifted his head and looked at me. “I don’t even have a single memory of her. Not a single picture with her or even of her.”

His jaw clenched before he dragged his teeth over his lip, one single tear escaping down his cheek.

I squeezed his hand to drag his attention back to me when I saw the turmoil start in his eyes. “What happened?”

He swallowed and sniffed, wiping the tear away with his shoulder. He tore his gaze away from mine, looking down at the empty floor of the passenger side.

“She had a lot of health complications during pregnancy. It was hard for her to even get pregnant, I was told. But through close observation throughout, she was finally going to have her own child. But then during labour, she went unconscious and they had to do an emergency C-section. An hour later, she was…” His face strained as his jaw clenched and he took a deep breath. “Gone.”

My heart bottomed out.

I couldn’t even imagine what he’d been going through. Losing his mum like that was just so…

“What you said, earlier, was that it was because of you.” My head spun to him. Again, my heart cracked when he nodded. “Why would you blame yourself for that? You didn’t have control of that. It wasn’t your fault.”

He shook his head. “It was, though. Because of me throughout her pregnancy, it was bad news after bad news and now I’m here and she’s not. She shouldn’t have had to suffer just for me to live and for her to die.” Two tears dripped down his cheek. “Why did it have to be me?” he asked almost to himself in a pained whimper.

I climbed over the centre console, into his lap and wrapped my arms around him, holding him to me. His arms wrapped me tighter, coming around my waist and tugging me close as his face pressed into my shoulder with a shuddering breath.

I held him as his shoulders shook and I felt his tears pool on my shoulder. I held him for so long that my legs started to go numb from being cramped in the small space. He didn’t let go and I pushed through the pain just to hold him longer.

The rain became softer, more of a sprinkle, and the music a soft hum between as we pulled away. I stared into the sad depths of his eyes, the pain, the grief, the sorrow all laying thick in them.

I swallowed as I took his face in my hands and punctuated my next words. “Her death was not your fault. But her death was not in vain. You, Reece, are such an amazing person and she would be so proud of who you are. And I’m sure she would not want you blaming yourself over something you couldn’t control.”

He bit his bottom lip to contain the trembling as his eyes watered again. He stared at me with this deep-seated intensity, awe, and something I can only describe as need — like I was all he needed.

“Thank you,” he whispered in a raw voice. “Thank you for listening to me. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

I smiled. “I will always be here for you, Reece. You’re stuck with me.” I paused, wondering if that was too strong, so I added, “You know, with your close friendship with Nate and all.”

His lips lifted. “Nate out of the equation, I hope I’m stuck with you.”

He kept his heavy-lidded eyes on mine. All his attention was on me and I was just as hypnotised. They softened the longer he stared, an intensity building in them that I’d been experiencing more often than not with him and I couldn’t quite understand it. But it made my heart lurch, like he had reached into my chest and tethered my heart to his. My nose knocked against his and his eyes followed the movement with a small lift of his lips. His tears had dried and the few tears that had escaped stained his cheek. I reached up to wipe them away.

His gaze flicked between mine before he opened his mouth. “You’re too good, Kody.”

I caressed his cheek. “And so are you, Reece.”

He shook his head, but he didn’t say anything else about it, just nodded toward the house and said, “We should head back in.”

I nodded but before moving I ran my thumb against his cheek, furrowing my brows. “Are you okay?”

His smile was small but he nodded. “I am now.”

My eyes moved over the features of his face as if to make sure he truly was. As if I could tell just by looking at him. And I knew he wasn’t, he would never be truly okay. He believed he was the reason his mother was dead and no matter how many times I could say it wasn’t his fault, I knew it wouldn’t remove that belief. It’s like it’s been ingrained in there. Nailed to him like a wanted poster.

But I nodded and opened the driver's door, climbing off his lap before he followed.

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