Page 59 of Lost in the Current of You

I shrugged. “Maybe photography isn’t just a hobby for me.”

She sighed and shook her head. “That isn’t going to give you steady employment. Your income will be based on people booking you to take photos and what if that never happens? That can’t be something you’re interested in.”

I picked at the skin around my nails under the table. I knew there was truth to what she was saying. Photography was more freelance and unsteady. But that was the freedom of it all. However anxious it made me feel, I wouldn’t be stuck behind a desk with piles of paperwork. I could make people smile, and capture its immortality. Capture the memories and happiness that seeped into people’s skin and glowed through their eyes.

“So what if I am? You can’t dictate what I enjoy and what I want to pursue. Photography is the first time I’ve felt like I’ve had a direction in my life. I’ve felt so lost, especially with your expectations for me to know what I want to do with my life. I’m not like you.”

For the first time in my life, I saw my mother’s eyes soften and I quickly swallowed the knot forming in my throat.

She sighed, leaning back into her chair and straightening her posture. Her usual composure was back but still, there was a tiny bit of softness in her eyes. “Look, I just want what's best for you. I don’t want you to struggle to find your footing. I just think it's good to have at least a backup plan if anything fails.” She paused and pressed her lips together. “I have a suggestion and after that, I’ll drop it. I’ll let you find your own way, okay?”

Reluctantly, I agreed.

She nodded and cleared her throat. “So, every year we take on a few interns for a week-long work experience. I talked to my boss and we organised a spot for you to join and work underneath me. I can introduce you to the people I work with and you can see what I actually do.”

I wanted to straight up decline — nothing about it was anything I’d be interested in — but I was so sick of this being brought up and I was tired of fighting. So, if this was the last time she would bring this up and finally let me breathe, I would do it. I would brave a week following behind her beck and call and try to paste a smile on my face for one last time.

My lips twisted before I agreed, “Fine. It’s a deal.”

She seemed happy at that, opening her menu and scanning through the dishes. “Now that that is settled, let’s eat.”

We ordered and ate in silence. It was about an hour and a half before we parted ways. She left me with a simple ‘I’ll see you in two weeks’. No need to put on a show of affection when she’d already got what she wanted.

I was made to get my own Uber home, of course. There was a small part of me that expected her to pay for my ride home too, which was silly of me to think. I should have known it was just niceties she afforded me just to get me to agree to come and to her plan.

I should have called Nate to pick me up, knowing he would hate the idea of me riding alone home after I promised not to, but I wasn’t ready to go home yet. There was only one place I wanted to be and selfishly, I didn’t want to share our spot with anyone else.

As soon as I hopped into the car, I slipped my earphones in and tried to drown out all the anxiety built from that one dinner. I was still restless though, no amount of volume I blasted into my ear shut off my brain.

I leaned forward to speak to the driver and rerouted my drop-off point to the only place that offered me solace. Then, I texted the only person who made me feel safe.

23

It was about five more minutes before I finally arrived at the river. I thanked the driver before getting out, the evening breeze skating over my skin in welcoming.

I saw him immediately. Even in the early night darkness, I could recognise his form stooped on the edge of the pier. An immediate smile made its way onto my face as I recalled the night we met.

My footsteps echoed on the wood planks and he turned his head over his shoulder, my favourite smile appearing, showing the soft dimples on his cheeks. The stillness of the night wrapped us in a bubble and when I sat next to him, I almost melted into his side, feeling the relief of his comfort, even just with him sitting there doing nothing.

“I didn’t expect you to be here so quickly,” I said.

He bumped my shoulder. “You texted. I came. Always.” He said it so simply like it was the easiest thing he could do. He reached over and laced his fingers with mine as they rested on my lap.

My heart lurched before I remembered what a dangerous game I was playing. But my heart never listened when it came to Reece.

“So, tell me what’s going on in that head of yours?” He tapped a finger against my temple with his free hand and a soft smile graced his lips, inviting me in and reassuring me all the same.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and spilled the night's events. He listened quietly, leaning his own head on top of mine. It was scary how natural it felt with him, the tangling of fingers, and how I was absentmindedly fiddling with his, drawing random patterns. How natural it felt to lean my head on his shoulders and blur the line of friendship and more.

I sighed after I’d finished wrapping up my night, his hand was palm up on my lap as I traced lazy circles around it, almost feeling like I was putting myself in a trance. “I’m just hoping after this internship, that will be it. She can leave me alone.”

He shrugged. “Maybe it won’t be so bad. A week is better than a lifetime anyway.”

I sighed, lifting my head off his shoulder to look over at him. “Yeah. Not how I saw my new year starting though.”

He chuckled before reaching over to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “My year always starts the same. Alone on my birthday.”

My eyes widened. “Oh my god. How could I forget about your birthday? Are you doing anything?”

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