Page 57 of Lost in the Current of You

Reece interrupted our bickering. “I mean, I don't mind at all.”

Nate whipped around to him. “Please, don’t. I don’t want to have to hurt you.”

Reece threw his hands up in surrender. “I’m kidding. Just joking.”

But when Reece’s eyes rose to mine, there was a sparkle in them that told me he was, in fact, not joking. It brought a flush to my cheeks and my heart beat a little faster as I tried to hide the effect that look had from my brother.

“Fine. Just can you not be so loud? That would be appreciated.”

I closed my door and leaned against it for a moment, my mind going over the looks Reece gave me, the slow perusal of my body, and the way that every second his eyes were on me felt like a million tiny fireflies underneath my skin. Every moment with him was like that. I wanted his attention. I wanted those secret looks and the feeling of my heart galloping in my chest.

But most of all I wanted him to look at me like that without having to hide it.

It was hard not to just go over and kiss him. He turned me into a giddy mess when he was near, and I was a damn near fool for it. I felt like I was in over my head, stealing all these secret moments and loaded looks from him behind my brother’s back. Betraying Reece’s longest friendships and my brother. But, I couldn’t stop myself even if I wanted to. He showed me what it felt like to fall into the comfort of someone’s arms that one can only know from truly trusting someone. And it felt too good to stop. So, if that was all I could get from him, I would revel in it for as long as I could. For as long as my guilt could hold.

I was an awful person for that, but didn’t I deserve a little bit of happiness, no matter how immoral it was?

I spent most of the morning ignoring the laughter and shouting from across the hall with a pair of headphones while I researched more about photography and how to get started. I came across a lot of degrees for photography, but I wanted to avoid that as much as I could. I wanted to see what I could do without a degree. A lot of the things I found mostly said to start practicing and experimenting and familiarising myself with the settings of my camera and even sharing my work on social media. I knew I wanted some foundation of knowledge before I did that. I wasn’t confident enough to post my work just yet.

It was then I stumbled on a course that taught every little tip and trick with photography, learning through different areas. They had great opportunities and networking connections offered at the end of the course as well as the chance to travel the world. It was like it was answering my call for help. A beam of hope offered to me on a silver platter. Everything I could dream of. Breaking me free from the chain of confinement my mother tried to trap me in. And I could see things a little clearer.

But it was crushed just as fast as it bloomed when I realised it was in Melbourne, and the speck of hope dimmed with my dream. I searched and searched after to see if there was a similar opportunity closer to home, but I found nothing. Nothing that would bring me that kind of connection and experience. I gravitated back to that site over and over again.

It was bound to be in demand with that kind of offer, and I knew a lot of people would apply. So, I thought, why not one more? The worst thing that could happen is that I was rejected, no matter how much that would make my stomach sink. But if I got accepted, well, maybe I could figure something out.

I gathered my portfolio and filled in an application without another thought, holding my breath as I pressed the send button. I closed my computer afterwards, stepping away from it and pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind. I probably wouldn’t get it anyway, so I’ll forget about it.

Despite my refusal over my brother’s overdramatics, I changed into a baggy T-shirt and shorts. It was a bit cooler during the day, and the sky was glooming with the threat of rain. Some days can be unpredictable. It could look like it’s about to rain, but then later in the day, the sun would come out.

I headed downstairs to the kitchen and grabbed a container of the leftovers from Christmas to put in the microwave. As I watched the time count down, shuffling sounded to the left of me and I watched Reece enter the kitchen. His eyes roamed my new clothing with a quirk of his lips.

“That’s a shame, I quite liked your previous outfit.”

I twisted my lips to the side, hiding the smile that wanted to break free. “I’m sure you did. Was it because of my ‘half-covered ass’?” I joked.

Reece chuckled as he took the place next to me. He hummed before answering. “Maybe partly. But that was mostly to tease Nate.” He turned to face me then. “No, I just liked the look of you having barely woken up, not caring how you looked. I thought you looked beautiful.”

I folded my arms across my chest and turned to him, warmth spreading across my cheeks. “I think you just like to make me blush.”

He grinned, tucking my hair behind my shoulder. “I do. Might be my favourite pastime.”

I tilted my face down, trapping the bubble that tried to burst out of my chest in the form of giggles like a lovesick schoolgirl. It wasn’t fair, the way he was making me feel. All bubbly and hopeful. Making me feel like I could find everything I had been searching for through all the beliefs I had been ingrained with.

I felt his fingertips curl under my chin before he slowly guided my face up to look at him. A soft smirk curled his lip as amusement and something like wonder shone in his eyes.

“I like seeing this side of you,” he whispered, lowering his face closer to mine, and tilting my chin closer at the same time.

“What side?” I whispered back.

“Your happy side. It makes me feel happy when I make you smile or blush. That I can make you feel like that.”

I wasn’t able to contain the brightness in my smile as it grew under the words he sang.

“You know what would make me happier?”

His lips lifted, matching my own. “What would that be?”

“If you kissed me?” I breathed, the words coming like a question rather than a request like I wanted it to be. But I was unsure. Unsure if he would be brave enough to kiss me there, in my kitchen, with Nate just upstairs.

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