Page 39 of Lost in the Current of You

Reece saw right through it and shouldered on. “You know what I’m talking about, Dakota. Look, I’m sorry about?—”

I stopped him from continuing, his words already felt like lasers shooting straight into my heart. “Don’t worry about it. I get it. It shouldn’t have happened. We’re friends, right? So we can pretend it never did.”

My words were a quick fire of bullets as my body jittered with the need to run from the conversation, the current of it was ready to pull me under. I didn’t have the guts to hear his response. So I excused myself and turned, making my way far away from him, which was hard with the minimal people to hide behind.

But surprisingly, Nate made it easy by cutting in front of him as I slipped between a group of people near the kitchen, hidden from his view. I didn’t miss the look he shot me before I disappeared, though. Half pleading and half annoyed.

An hour and a half went by with the dance between us as I tried to avoid him. When he stepped closer, I retreated the opposite way. When I was in the middle of another game of ping pong, Alex or Avery would play my wing person, redirect him, or distract him in conversation long enough for me to dip away.

It was when I had absolutely no one to help me disappear that his gaze locked on mine with determination in his stance. I found myself retreating to the bathroom, locking it behind me and gulping in the fresh air through the open window as well as the drink I snatched on my way in.

I wanted so badly for that almost kiss to never have happened, but also for it to have never stopped where it did. Because now that I had felt the way he held me, looked at me, breathed me in, I was like an addict, feigning for more. But I knew if it would have continued, we would still have to pretend it never happened. I wasn’t strong enough for that, I don’t think. But in the moment, while his lips hovered over mine, I knew he wasn’t thinking about Nate or Liam or our friendship, and neither was I. We threw our situation and all the consequences that would follow out the window. Now, it was me running away.

And god, for once, I just wished I could stop hiding.

I laughed at myself for that. I was always running away from reality. But I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to dive deep and realise what I felt was one-sided. I’ve seen the destruction of one-sided love with my parents.

But in that moment, I was back to square one with this stupid little crush festering again. I don’t know how to explain it but everything felt different between us since that week away. I didn’t have the guts to do anything about it though, knowing it would never be reciprocated. Could never be reciprocated.

I splashed some water against the flushed skin of my neck, avoiding my face to not ruin the makeup Avery had done, and leaned my hands against the sink. I sucked in a deep breath to gather enough strength to put up a facade that I was fine. That I hadn’t been so affected by him. I exhaled, stepping away from the sink before shaking out my arms, glitter already sticking to them, and nodding to myself in the mirror. A mental pep talk to myself that I could face this repeating in my head.

I opened the door, but stopped abruptly at the opening, not expecting Reece to be standing there, leaning against the wall on the opposite side with his hands in his pockets and not a trace of that smile I had grown accustomed to on his face. He stared at me with an unreadable expression as I squeaked out a surprised “hi”. My bravado was dwindling with every second he stared at me.

Then he made his move, taking a step towards me as I took one back in return, almost unconsciously. His eyes held mine, hard and unyielding, as I tried to decipher what was going on in his head.

“We need to talk,” he said in a stiff voice that had me stepping back again, further into the bathroom. He followed, and before I could say anything to get out of it, he shut the door behind him and leaned against it with his arms crossed.

I knew he wouldn't stop me if I really wanted to leave, but he was right. I needed to face my fears.

But was I really ready for this talk? To know what he was thinking, to hear his rejection? To lose the friendship we had only just gotten back?

15

“You’re hiding from me.”

It wasn’t a question.

The game of cat-and-mouse I was playing wasn’t as subtle as I was going for, but I wasn’t prepared to hash this whole thing out while alcohol thrummed in my veins and influenced my decision-making.

I just knew what he was going to say when he mentioned that moment at the river, and panic rose, so I shut it down.

It was a mistake, I knew it was. Just caught up in the moment. But I didn’t want to hear that from him. I couldn’t hear it from him. It would be the rejection I didn’t need.

“I wasn’t. I just need some air,” I lied.

“You’ve been in here for like fifteen minutes. I’ve been waiting for you. Counted too,” he emphasised as he glanced down at his watch.

I hadn’t realised it had been that long. Even with the booming of music and noise behind the closed door, I had retreated too far inside my head where my fears haunted me to notice.

I sighed. “Look Reece, I already know what you’re going to say. That it was a mistake and it could never happen between us. We’re friends. Done. Nothing else needs to be discussed. I don’t need you to repeat the words I already know.”

I watched him frown as he took in my words, eyes flickering over my face. I braced myself for the agreement, to finally put this push and pull that seemed to be happening between us to rest.

I never expected his next words.

“You expected me to agree it was a mistake?”

It was my turn to frown. I had built this idea that he would just agree and that would be the end of it, but his question surprised me.

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