Page 36 of Lost in the Current of You

I missed sharing these things with him and it felt like I was disconnected from him. Like knowing everything about him and everything in his life to knowing nothing new.

So I sat there, listening with a smile on my face as he recalled his whole meet-cute with this mystery girl and how they were just casually seeing each other, ignoring the flutter of jealousy, seeing how happy he looked at the mention of her.

Wanting just the chance to feel like that. To have someone talk about me like that when I wasn’t around.

13

A few days later, I found myself sitting along the pier, my feet brushing the cool water beneath, causing a ripple effect while absentmindedly throwing pebbles of frozen peas to the surrounding ducks to feed off. We used to keep it as an ice pack at home, but I needed to get out of the house for a change of scenery, and there was nothing else to use.

I’d already been there for half an hour, and my skin was turning pink from the sun. I was too far into my thoughts to pay attention, though, so the raw skin didn’t bother me that much as I tucked my leg to my chest and rested my chin on my knee.

The setting sun behind the cityscape made for a picture-perfect moment, the blends of pinks and oranges behind the shadows of tall buildings and the bridge. I breathed in the moment, already having snapped photos of the cotton candy sky with the camera that now sat beside me.

I felt so lost. I didn’t have a direction in life I wanted to go in. Felt like I had no guidance. Nothing to fulfil me. Nothing to achieve. I didn’t know what I enjoyed enough to continue for the rest of my life. But I knew for sure I didn’t want to go back to school. I barely passed high school. I hated every second of it. Of being bent over a book or a piece of paper, jotting down notes. Of filling my head with the most nonsensical things that I knew I wouldn’t use in my life.

Every time I was stuffed into a classroom and had to analyse a century-old book or had to learn advanced maths, I felt my skin itch. I didn’t see the point in them. For me, anyway. But I wish I’d spent more time finding what I was passionate about, rather than putting in the bare minimum effort to pass.

The more pressure my mother put on me, the more panicked I felt about my future. It made me feel like I had to rush to get ahead of time otherwise, I was going to end up doing nothing with my life and regretting everything that could have been.

I don’t know what set off this sense of melancholy in me. Maybe it was that conversation with Nate that brewed these thoughts when my brain wouldn’t shut off at one in the morning. Maybe it was the notification from the group chat from Avery confirming the date she was moving away to Sydney for University. It made me feel like I was going to watch everyone around me move away and lead successful lives, while I was stuck where we all started. In the same town, doing the same thing on repeat. And that scared me more than anything.

I was mere seconds away from bursting into hysterics like a mad woman alone by the river, when a low, familiar voice wrapped around me.

“You look like you could use some company.”

Covering my eyes from the sun, I turned and watched Reece make his way down the short jetty to where I sat. I smiled and hoped my cheeks didn’t seem as blotchy as they felt from my near breakdown.

He had come at just the right time, taking me out of my runaway thoughts.

“That would be nice,” I said as he stepped closer and took a seat right next to me. His eyes flickered over my face for a moment before holding my gaze.

“You okay?”

Those words and his low voice washed over me like a tidal wave. I couldn’t stop the slight tremble in my chin before I bit down on my lower lip to conceal it. It was like a trigger when someone asked if you were okay, no matter how much you tried to bury your emotions.

“I’m fine, I’m just—” I paused. I wasn’t sure how much to tell him because it kind of felt ridiculous to say out loud. I felt dramatic like I was overthinking things that didn’t need to be weighing me down.

“You can tell me anything, you know,” he said, and I looked over to him. His eyes were like the calmest waters, inviting and clear. He smiled softly, and I let out a deep breath. “This is our space, remember. No matter how crazy and ridiculous our worries and secrets sound, nothing we say leaves here.”

My heart felt like it tripped over itself as I tore my eyes from him and focused my gaze out over the glistening water. My lip wobbled again, and I sucked in a deep breath, a lone tear escaping.

“This probably sounds so overdramatic, but I just feel like I’m being left behind. I’m so lost, and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I feel all this pressure to know, but I have no idea what interests me enough to make a career out of it.” I swallowed before continuing, knowing this bit was embarrassing to admit. “Nate is in Townsville, Alex is going to university, so he won’t have time, and now Avery is moving to Sydney. It’s like everyone is leaving, and I’m just stuck here and I’m scared. I’m scared we’ll all lose contact and everyone will forget about me.”

I didn’t have the guts to look at him. Every word that fell from my lips sounded crazy, even to me.

More tears escaped down my cheek, and I tried to hide them behind my hair. I wished the water beneath me would swallow me whole so I didn’t have to bear facing what he thought of all I said. I waited for him to laugh or leave me here alone.

But none of that happened.

I felt him move beside me, but instead of leaving me to wallow in my dramatics, his fingers curled around my chin, guiding my face to look at him. He had moved his body to face me entirely, and I wondered if he could hear my heart beating with how fast and hard it thudded against my chest. My eyes flickered between his, watching as his gaze followed the trail of tear marks on my cheek before his thumb softly wiped them away.

Everything faded around me and it was like a blanket had been thrown over us. All I saw was him. All I felt was him. I was sucked into this world, and it was a welcomed reprieve I didn’t want to leave.

Reece’s hand fell from my face to thread through my fingers in my lap. He played with my fingers for a moment, his eyes watching as he drew patterns and twisted my fingers before looking back at me with a small smile.

“ I don’t think you’re overdramatic at all. I get it, actually.” He squeezed my hand. “Change is scary, especially when it’s something unfamiliar and unexpected. But Kody, you can do anything you put your mind to. And, I can tell you this; the people meant to be in your life won’t disappear just because they move. If they’re your friends, they won’t forget you and will make time for you, no matter what. From the times we have hung out, I know they love you too much to forget you. It would be impossible to forget the peace you bring to others. To me. Even when my future is unknown, I know I’ll still have you.” His lips lifted before he looked down at our intertwined hands, the stark difference between them standing out. His hand engulfed mine, the rough callouses running along my soft skin. And then, he ended in a whisper, smile dropping in the passing minutes, “Even when I’m not the one that gets to decide it.”

It was like realising we were both floating in the same tattered boat that was slowly sinking, coasting through the murky waters and wondering if we would ever make it to the other side. All I could do was cling to him, knowing I wouldn’t be alone.

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