Page 21 of Lost in the Current of You

I had believed the attraction I felt for Reece faded out the moment he disappeared from my life. But the truth was, it was living dormant inside me, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. And that made me feel sick with betrayal when I thought about Liam.

I’d known Liam since we were kids, having been in the same classes together since we were in year 3. We were never really anything more than acquaintances, though. Until he started walking with me to classes and sitting next to me, sneaking notes to me. I liked his shyness, so when he asked me out, I said yes.

Liam was good to me. He was gentle and caring and he felt so safe. But something deep within me hated that. When his arms wrapped around me, it felt foreign. When he kissed me, it didn’t feel right. And when we had sex, it felt too robotic.

He looked at me like I hung the moon, but I was merely an impostor in disguise. I felt like I should have felt something. Like I should have felt my heart soften or pump harder. But I didn’t feel connected to him in the way I should have. It just felt like we were friends who occasionally hooked up.

He tried so hard to make it work, but I knew when he got bored of my indifference. I saw it when his eyes started to wander other places, to other people, and I felt nothing. I just felt guilty that I was clinging to the idea of not being alone.

I was scared to break things off with him, though. Scared of losing the familiarity of him.

But I was unable to help the instinct to run when he confessed he loved me. And it made me sick to my stomach.

I couldn’t keep stringing him along. I just knew I didn’t want safe and easy. I wanted something wild and crazy. I wanted someone who challenged me and someone who could pull out the truest side of me. Where I can live freely myself and not care about being judged.

And with Reece, I had started to feel that.

I could feel it with every moment I spent with him, sitting by the river as we talked. I could feel it start to flutter back to life throughout the week with every smile, every touch and every laugh. It was all creeping back slowly, one butterfly at a time, with the warning of spreading more.

I didn’t see Reece after our moment until later that night. If I was being truthful, I was kind of avoiding him. The realisation, mixed with guilt and fear, made me want to run. I was scared of a lot of things then. But Reece… he was the one thing that scared me the most which is why I never sought an answer from him all those months ago. I avoided him as much as he did me.

We were aboard a large boat that held a huge dance floor on the main level, with a DJ stage, and strobe lights flickering around. It sailed past the nearby islands like Hamilton Island. But not a lot of people paid attention to the islands when the music was pounding and we were all squished together.

Avery, Alex and I danced, sang, laughed and screamed the whole night away. It was the most fun of all the nights the past week, surrounded by the people that care about me.

It felt like time was moving too quickly, and it was midnight before I knew it.

I was exhausted, but Avery and Alex kept dancing and singing. We drifted towards the outside of the dancefloor to make it easier for me to find them while I escaped to the balcony for some much-needed fresh air. The cool wind crashed into my heated skin, and I sighed in relief as my body relaxed against the railing.

The boat was on its way back to the docks, so I didn’t have much time until I had to go back to them and we’d be crashing in our hotel with heavy exhaustion.

My thoughts started to wander to the reality I would have to face when we got back home with my mother and my nonexistent future when I felt his presence beside me. I think I could always tell when he was near. His energy and his warmth was an odd comfort and familiar already. Just like that, all of those overwhelming thoughts disappeared.

“Mind if I join you?” His voice was just heard over the music and the water slapping against the boat. He had a sombre look on his face as his eyes flicked to mine, waiting for an answer. I smiled and nodded. The nonverbal response was enough for his shoulders to relax as he returned his gaze to the water, like he was relieved he didn’t have to be alone.

It was quiet for a long moment, the two of us just enjoying the presence of each other. Our shoulders almost pressed together. Our hand's mere centimetres from each other on the railing. There was so much room on the balcony, but still, I didn’t pull away to make room, and he didn’t move either. My heart felt like it was beating double time against my rib cage.

“I heard your brother was back in town.” He broke the silence, dampening the butterflies that had started to flutter around my stomach.

The mention of my brother brought reality crashing further on me. Of the metaphorical wedge driven between us.

“Yeah, he came for my graduation and he’s leaving on January 4th,” I mentioned.

“Remind him to come to our games before he leaves. We’ve got four more before Christmas break,” he told me as he turned to face me. I glanced up at him before he spoke again. “You’ll be there too, won’t you?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’d feel weird going after everything.”

He squeezed one of my hands that still held onto the bar in front. “You’ll be fine. He may not want to talk to you though, but we’re friends.” He brushed his thumb over my hand as his usual grin slid into place. “And I’m inviting you so that means you have to come.”

Those flutters grew as he kept his gaze on me with that stupid grin that I had to look away from, aiming my gaze over his shoulder. “I’ll think about it.”

I saw his lips growing from the corner of my eye, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from dragging back to him just to see it stretch across his face. “Good, because I don’t want anything we’ve built this week ruined again. I’ll always be your friend, Summers.”

I smiled and his eyes flicked down to watch it grow on my face the same way I had before. His eyes seemed to brighten with happiness at the sight. And I just wished that none of it had to end.

I voiced my thoughts. “I wish I could just stay here and all of this never had to end. No more real life. Just this.”

He flicked his gaze back to mine, eyes bouncing over every feature of my face. I couldn’t read what he was thinking. I could see something in his eyes, but it was like it was hidden behind a frosted glass window. Because my focus was more drawn to the blends of green and flecks of brown in his eyes. Even in the dimmed light that was around us, it was the clearest I’d seen them.

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