Page 90 of Lost in the Current of You

“I’m sorry,” was all he said.

“We should have stayed friends.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, and my fingers tightened around his.

I swallowed. “You were the one person I trusted not to break my heart.”

His hand tightened around mine as his voice cracked a final “I’m sorry.”

I pulled his hand away, and he turned to face away from me, pinching the bridge of his nose. I watched a glistening trail slide down his face, a racing match to the ones spilling down my own.

When he said nothing else, I finally exited the car and slammed the door behind me. He took off the second the door shut, not waiting for me to get to the door like every other time, and my heart clenched painfully, making me grasp my chest as if there was an actual wound there. I almost felt like I could collapse on my knees.

But then someone’s voice had my head snapping up and panic rising within me.

“I should have known.”

And I saw Liam sitting on the front step of the porch, watching me with emotionless eyes.

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Dread filled me to the tip of my fingers.

“Liam…”

He cleared his throat as he hung his head between his shoulders, eyes fixed on his hands as they rested between his knees, fiddling around each other.

“I knew something was up with him when he stopped talking to me after he went away. He was avoiding all my texts and questions when I hounded him at our games. I just didn’t know this was what he was keeping from me.” He chuckled, but it was empty. “You know, it’s funny because he came over just the other day to apologise, and then you came up in topic and he told me I should talk to you. That I should fix us.”

Pain threaded through his words no matter how hard he tried to hide it, and the guilt clogged the base of my throat.

We had done that to him. I had done that to him. We had snuck around and hid ourselves behind closed doors while Liam still had hopes for us, even after he had the chance to move on with his date a couple of weeks ago. He was clinging to the idea of me while I was falling for someone else.

And in all of that, I felt a sharp pang of hurt shoot through my chest that I had no right to feel. But it wasn’t for Liam. No, it was because of what he mentioned of Reece and how he pushed for Liam to reconnect with me, wanting to push me away.

It was his plan for a short while it seemed. Just when it seemed he’d start to open up, he ran away and it hurt even more that I couldn’t fix him. All those talks and the secrets we shared, all for nothing. And I couldn’t help but feel like I lost a piece of myself in all the good we shared. I gave too much and received nothing back. It’s how it always went for me.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. I didn’t know who I was aiming it at. For him, for me, for Reece. All three of us. It was some kind of sick joke because I was beginning to hate hearing those words.

He looked up, meeting my eyes with a heartbroken gaze. A half smile quirked his lips as he said, “Yeah, me too.”

I sat next to him, angled towards him as I squeezed his arm. “You were good to me, Liam. But I didn’t deserve your goodness. And you deserve someone who can care and love you with their whole heart, not just parts of it. I wanted to so badly, but…”

My heart was in another place, I wanted to say. But I could say that, especially with what he just saw.

“I should have told you,” I whispered. “We should have told you. And I’m so sorry for that. I tried not to, but it was different with him. But that doesn’t matter now.” I swallowed through the pain clenching my chest. “All that matters is that you should have known from the start, and I feel so fucking guilty for that.”

He sighed. “It’s a bit too late for that now.”

“I never meant to hurt you, Liam. But I would have hurt you more by staying with you if I didn’t feel the same way.”

He scoffed. “So you dated my best friend then? So much for not hurting me.”

“I didn’t mean for that to happen either. It just did. And I will apologise for the rest of my life for hurting you like that and do anything for you to forgive you.” I squeezed his arm again, and he looked over at me. “Because you’re a good guy, Liam. And a good friend.”

He looked back down to his hands. “Such a good friend that you both would go behind my back?”

Whatever was left of my heart now lay shattered to the ground by his feet. He chewed his lip as he contemplated his next words before softly questioning, “What was it about him that made you go for him instead of me?”

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