Page 44 of Lost in the Current of You

I did, but my eyes lingered on him for a bit.

It was like I was seeing him in a different light. I was used to seeing him with this tough exterior and happy-go-lucky persona. It was like nothing could crack him. But this was the one thing that did, that facade melted, and there he was, vulnerable and raw emotion. He had never let me see this side of him. He was my big brother, and I had always admired how he let things slide right off him. I had wished I could be like him, but this made me realise that not everything did, and sometimes it pierced his armour.

I admired him even more for letting me see this side of him. It ached that underneath it all, there was a darkness that lingered in his heart. A darkness he hid from the rest of the world.

Arriving at the baseball field, he greeted his friends with his usual smile as they waited for their game following the Divison Three game Reece played in.

I took my seat in the stands as I searched the field where the players were warming up until I spotted Reece. They were all lined up along the fence line doing their own stretches and warm-ups. Reece had his leg kicked up on it as he leaned forward to touch his toes. He was chatting with Jake and Sage standing beside him before a burst of laughter broke through him at whatever Jake said. I could hear his laugh from the stand, and the sound tugged up my lips.

I realised then why he was so close to my brother. They were both so good at keeping people at arm's length. They put up a front with smiles on their faces, where on the inside, there was all this hurt that they held and bottled up inside.

With Reece, I wanted to take an ice pick and chip away at his facade until he showed me the real him. I felt like I had started to do that, but now, with the kiss, it complicated things.

I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was spinning in circles with no direction.

When the game started, Nate joined behind me with his friends. We all cheered on Reece as he threw some good pitches, but his game seemed off, and as time went on, it seemed to get worse. It was the top of the fifth inning when he was pulled from the mound after walking three batters in a row. My heart sank for him as I watched him disappear into the dugout with his head down, and moments later, there was a loud thud against the back tin wall. I couldn’t see what happened, but there was no doubt that it was Reece.

He sat out for the rest of that inning, and when they came back on the field for the top of the sixth, he was switched out to first base. Even from a distance, I could see he wasn’t happy with the switch. The crease in his brow was evident, and the set in his shoulders was tense even with the fluid way he threw the ball back and forth between shortstop and second base while the new pitcher warmed up.

He was caught up in his head about something. I never saw him like this before, and I hoped whatever it was wasn’t about what happened between us.

The game ended with a tight 14-13 win for us, and once the boys had started filtering out of the field, I decided that it was my chance to pull Reece aside.

Nate sat beside me, having switched seats once his friends had left for warm-ups halfway through the game. I made an excuse to leave, and he made room for me to climb past him.

It was like he had a sixth sense without even realising it when he spoke up. “Oh, if you see Reece, you should ask him for a ride if you don’t want to stay for another game. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.”

I pressed my lips into a thin line and nodded back. “Sure.”

I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to be trapped in the car with him for ten minutes without being able to escape if I needed to. There were so many ways this talk could go, and I didn’t want to suffer through the terrible, awkward silence that would ensue if it turned bad.

As I made my way down the stairs, though, I spotted him already making his way to his car, and my heart leaped into my throat as I quickened my pace to catch up to him.

“Reece,” I called out once I was close enough, and he whipped his head over his shoulder to meet my eyes. He smiled but it was strained and I could see in his eyes there was guilt swirling with a need to escape. But he stopped and waited for me, his eyes never leaving mine as I stepped next to him, resuming the walk to his car.

I smiled wide, hiding the fact my nerves were bundled in my throat as I remembered how it felt to have him against me. “Hey.”

“Hey, Kody.”

It drew a long sigh out of my lips with the sound of that nickname, like those two words were all I needed to ease my worries.

“I have a favour to ask of you,” I began as he unlocked his car a few feet from us. Against my better judgement, the question I hadn’t wanted to ask slipped past my lips. But I knew he didn’t want to be here longer than he needed to be, and I would suck up an awkward car ride if it meant he could escape. “Do you mind driving me home? Nate’s going out after this and I didn’t want to trouble him.”

He dropped his bag in the boot of his car before turning to me, that look he had easing within a few minutes. “I don’t mind at all. You don’t mind if we make a stop in between, though?”

I squeezed his arm before he rounded to the driver’s side, and I made my way to the passenger side. “Of course not. Where to?” I asked over the top of his car.

He opened the door, his eyes unguarded as he met mine. “You’ll see.”

I already knew. With that one look, I knew the place he needed to be.

17

The sun had almost lowered completely. The mid-December air cooled off without the added heat of the sun, and it soothed the damage from the day’s heat. The street lights had just turned on, only a sliver of sunlight peeking through the buildings on the horizon. The murmur of cicadas had just started to ring around us, creating a peaceful sort of tranquility.

My toes danced along the surface of the water, rippling my reflection in the river. Reece’s hand rested next to mine on the wooden planks of the pier as we gazed at the buzzing city in front of us, bright lights glistening from the buildings and skyscrapers.

We had been here for almost an hour, talking mindlessly about nothing significant, dancing around whatever was weighing on Reece’s mind. I didn’t mind it, but I knew Reece hadn’t brought me here to talk about how he had once gotten chased by a ‘big ass lizard’ at the zoo when he was seven. Although the story made me laugh quite a lot, I finally decided to stop his rambling and contemplation to let it all out.

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