Page 112 of The Kiss of Deception

“I’m always mad at you.” He runs his fingers through the tangled tresses of my hair, thumbs caressing my cheekbones. “Like, every second of every day, and that’s not an exaggeration.”

“I always like you.” His answer is simple, spoken with meaningful eyes directly into my own. “Like, every second of every day. Not an exaggeration.”

There goes my heart, boom ka-freaking-boom.

And that’s why I need to retreat. I always lose possession of my full mental capacities when he’s around. And I’m in desperate need of them, right now, to understand myself.

I take a step back, then another, forcing his hands to fall from my hair.

“Don’t do that, Zoe. Don’t run away from me.” He doesn’t follow me, but his tone holds enough demand, enough pleading. “I made you a promise, love. You have to give me the opportunity to honor it.”

I want to. I so want to run to him and drown myself in the comfort of his arms, in the peace his heartbeat infuses against my temple.

Instead, I run in the opposite direction.

Bare legs and barefoot, only Miles’s shirt and scent over me, I run.

“Put some clothes on, you—” I yell as I go. The damage he’s inflicted on my sanity is severe if I can’t form a proper insult anymore. “—slutty giant Greek god!”

My toes hit the marble steps one, two, twenty-seven times before they hit tile, and I’m crossing the living room, rushing through the windows into the sprawling backyard. The tickling cold grass embraces my soles, grounding me, allowing me to feel, focus on something other than the tornado in my mind.

I need to breathe. I need to think. I need the space, the time, the clarity.

Instead, all I find is his absence. All the fears remain, yet they feel small compared to the pulsing void of him that threatens to crush me.

I can’t think when he’s around, and I can’t think when he isn’t—and right now, I really hate him for that. I’m furious and embarrassed that he’s turned me into this girl whose thoughts revolve around a man.

“You’ve had your five minutes.” His voice echoes in the darkness. “I know you need your time to process, and I won’t rush you. I’ll give you all the time you need, but please don’t shut me out.”

He’s charging into me, his stride resolute, eating the distance I put between us. I don’t feel threatened. In fact, my breaths come easier with each of his steps.

He takes my hands in his, brings them to his chest in a movement that unwittingly allows me to feel the pounding of his heart, steady but fast. He’s not as calm as he looks. I close my eyes, reveling in the strong thump that so perfectly matches my own.

“Look at me.” His voice is just one decibel louder than a whisper, grave and desperate. “Tell me. Whatever is going on in this beautiful, overthinking head of yours. Tell me.”

It has never been clearer. Right in the middle of my mind, walled behind an invisible shield, untouched by the mess that’s the war between my emotions and my innate need to rationalize them—there it is. One single clear certainty.

I trap his gaze in mine. “I can’t do this. I can’t pretend anymore. I can’t.”

His face freezes, the heart in my palms pounding at dangerous speeds.

“What are you saying?” I can’t begin to unravel the layers in his voice, warring with itself to stay even.

“I’m in love with you,” I blurt out.

Miles blinks.

Blinks.

Blinks again.

Then, he tilts his face up toward the sky, to the stars and all the planets unseen. They must tug the corners of his mouth, pulling it in a smile that takes over his entire face.

I stare, stare, and hope in silence—hope for what, I don’t really know.

I do know it isn’t for his laughter.

I brusquely pull my hands from his grasp. “I’m so in love with you, I can’t even think straight.” I stab a finger in his chest. “Just a few hours ago, I was so sure I was ready for this, us. Now I’m freaking panicking again. I don’t make sense to myself, and I just… I don’t know. I don’t know.” I pause to look at him, empowered by my rage. “I just know this love I have for you—it scares me. And you’re… You’re laughing. You’re fucking laughing at me!”

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