Page 73 of Playing My Rivals

The dark shadow that claws at my soul shoves a lump of indescribable matter into my throat. The guilt I carry is so dense it has a life of its own. It silences me with its power.

“I was the one who initiated it.” Her words bring my gaze back to hers.

My torture-filled eyes scroll over her gorgeous face. “And that makes it better?”

“Don’t do this. There’s nothing wrong with what we did.” Her chest rises and falls as her eyes stare hard into mine. “Please tell me you believe that.”

I should tell her what she wants to hear, but I can’t. Not with Aiden in the hospital. And not with all the loose ends we have in our lives outside of this.

My eyes trail to the soaking tub. “Do you really believe a guy who would have sex with you in a public pool is the kind of guy that shows you an enormous amount of respect?”

“What I believe is you let your guard down for once. It has nothing to do with respect. It has nothing to do with you being a good friend. And it has absolutely nothing to do with Aiden.

“It has to do with our feelings for each other, and I’m not going to let you make me believe it was anything less than beautiful.” She pushes out of her chair and storms back to the soaking tub.

It would be a lot more impactful if she weren’t wearing a black string bikini that splits her ass in two, making her look like a fireball of sex blazing away from me. I roll my eyes at the thought. Jesus Christ, I have an unbelievable way of fucking up every time we get close.

I sit back and give my dick some time to settle down before I get back into the pool with her. If I follow her now, she’ll be back against that wall in a matter of seconds while I pound her senselessly. And I wouldn’t give a fuck who was around to witness it.

If she only knew how demanding I am in the bedroom, I’d probably scare her away. It’s for the best I distance myself from her now. Otherwise, there’s no telling what I would do. The stress of this entire situation has me needing a huge release.

After soaking in the hot springs most of the day while I tried to hide the tattoo over my heart, I’m grateful to be back in my shirt. The last time anyone got a view of my ink was Lauren.

When she saw it, she split my lip with her right fist. If Dori saw it, she’d probably do the same thing.

I toss my wet, sulfur-smelling suit in a plastic bag and go to find her. She’s pawing through the souvenir rack in the lobby when I join her by her side. She’s fucking gorgeous, making me say something I’ll likely regret.

“Just so you know, today was something beautiful.” I tilt my head to find her eyes.

She peeks through her thick eyelashes. “Do you really mean that?”

I nod and turn to the door. “Of course I do. I’ve just got to figure out how to work through the guilt that comes up when I’m with you.”

“Fair enough because so do I.” Her hand finds mine, weaving our fingers together. “We should get going.”

We mosey to the car as I focus on our hands. The way we’re holding them together is like something more than friends. The intimacy is higher than how we normally cup our hands together when we do this.

This act makes my nerves fire and spit flames of guilt and shame throughout my chest. I pull on my collar, suddenly feeling like my airways are getting squeezed. My brain twists with every obstacle that stands in our way as we start our drive back to Denver.

She turns the wheel, and we drive up a road that leads up a hillside. “Since we ate at Iron Mountain, we have some time to go see Mount Sopris. I found a spot up here once where we can see it perfectly.”

“I didn’t even realize we weren’t on I-70.”

She picks up her phone and hands it to me. “Will you make sure I don’t have any messages? There’s no cell service where we’re going.”

I take it from her. “Are you sure we should be going out of range? What if the hospital calls?”

“We’ll only be out of reach for a little bit. Besides, we lose service as we drive through the canyon. I think we’ll be fine.” She gestures to her phone with a head tilt. “The code is Aiden’s birthday.”

My stomach tightens. He’s always fucking hanging out in my head. I’ve got to get over this guilt if I’m ever going to make it work with her.

I glance at the voicemail indicator, then return my gaze to the front of the car. The windshield wipers swish across the rain-speckled glass as we continue to climb the mountain road.

She glances at me. “Any messages?”

“No.” I place her phone on the center console.

“After we had our little spat today, I ran through every time you and I sat down to talk about us. I was sure I’d remember telling you how I felt, but I couldn’t come up with one.”

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