“Try me.” He pulls the chair up to the front of my desk.
“But it’s about…you know who.” I glance at the open door. Every time Hunter comes up at work, my heart rate spikes to the heavens above.
Reading me perfectly like he always does, Jamison goes and shuts the door. “All good. No one can hear you now.”
“Unless they have recording devices in here.” Saying that gives me a reason to pause.
My eyes sweep the office, searching for something that would indicate that to be true. After all, it is a casino company and they’re known to have cameras everywhere.
Jamison’s gaze follows mine. “You don’t think they do, do you?”
“No. I would’ve heard about it if they did. I was just having a paranoid moment,” I lie to hide my suspicions.
“So tell me. What’s got you upset?” He sits in the chair before me.
“Are you sure you want to do this?”
“If it’s something I don’t want to be a part of, I’ll let you know. Until then, consider me your therapist.” He peeks at his watch. “Your time starts now.”
I half laugh and already feel better. “You’re in a funny mood today. Maybe I should rub against you and see if it could transfer to me.”
He glances down as I think about what I said. I wince. “I’m sorry, Jami. That’s not what I meant.”
“It’s all good. This therapist has heard a lot.” He rests back in his chair with a smile.
“Why are you always so patient with me?”
“What do you mean?”
“Nothing.” I shake my head.
He leans forward and lets his shoulders soften. “Dori, it’s okay. I was the one who told you to explore your feelings regarding you know who. I don’t hold it against you.”
All my discussions with my actual therapist come barreling in. As much as I try to focus on Hunter, Jamison always sneaks his way into my sessions with her.
Many times I want to scream at myself for being so confused. Other times, I embrace it and explore what it means.
“Why did you tell me you wouldn’t start anything with me because of Hunter?”
“You know why.” Jami rests his arms on his legs and cups his hands together. “Is that what’s bothering you?”
“Yes and no. It’s all of it. On one hand, I have this thing that can’t be explored outside certain places. It’s fun, exciting, and beautiful. On the other, I have…something else.” My chest squeezes.
I know I’m hurting Jamison by talking about this with him. I don’t understand why he’s torturing himself and listening to me, but he offered to help. Maybe he’s willing to be there for me, no matter what.
“If the thing you have is all that you say it is, what’s the problem?” He keeps his gaze on me, his eyes still soft and welcoming.
I lean closer to Jami. “Well, for one, I can’t be seen with that person. If we’re found out, I lose my job. How is that a real relationship?”
“If it’s working, that’s all that counts.” Pain hides behind his words. I detect a slight inflection of a forced accepting tone from past conversations we’ve had where he’s been hurt.
“What if it isn’t working?” My voice cracks. “What if there’s something else that could?”
His expression fractures from grace to hope, but he quickly regains his composure. “In that case, I need to know what isn’t working. If it’s something you can resolve, then who’s saying it won’t get better?”
I tap on the screen of my phone. “Have you ever noticed how Hunter’s always with Ava Aldridge at these events?”
Jami cocks his head, almost surprised I brought it up. “He’s still going to those with her?”