Page 53 of Forbidden Access

They clinked glasses, the smooth burn of the tequila starting to warm her from the inside out. As the evening wore on, they continued to drink, the tension between them loosening with each shot. The stars above seemed to blur together, the crisp night air mixing with the warmth of the alcohol, creating a heady mix that left them both slightly unsteady.

Damian’s laughter came easier, his voice softer, and Thorn found herself relaxing into the moment, her guard slipping just a little. The tequila worked its magic, dulling the sharp edges of her grief, making it easier to push the memories of Jaden to the back of her mind. But as Damian poured yet another shot, she knew she couldn’t keep avoiding it forever.

He handed her the glass, his fingers brushing hers, and the simple contact sent a shiver through her. She downed the shot, the burn no longer as intense as before, and set the glass down with a sigh.

“Jaden,” she started, her voice barely above a whisper. “He… he would have loved this.”

Damian turned to her, the playful glint in his eyes replaced by something deeper, more understanding. He didn’t interrupt, just waited, letting her find the words.

Thorn took a deep breath, the tequila making her bold, or maybe just tired of holding it all in. “We used to sit out here, just like this. Drinking, laughing… dreaming about the future.” Her voice wavered, the weight of the memories pressing down on her. “But that future never came. He was taken too soon.”

Damian reached out, his hand covering hers. “I’m sorry,” he said softly, his touch grounding her as she fought back tears.

She nodded, swallowing hard. “I don’t talk about him much. It’s easier to pretend I’m okay, that I’ve moved on. But the truth is, I’m still stuck in that moment. The year he died… everything changed.”

They sat in silence for a moment, the tequila giving her just enough courage to continue. “I don’t know how to let him go,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “I don’t know if I want to.”

Damian squeezed her hand, his voice gentle. “You don’t have to let him go, Thorn. You just have to find a way to keep living.”

She looked at him, her eyes glassy from the drink and the emotions bubbling to the surface. For the first time in a long time, she felt like she wasn’t alone in her grief, like someone understood the pain she carried.

With a strangled sob, she buried her face in his shoulder and cried. To her embarrassment, the tears wouldn’t stop. She clung to Damian, letting out all the pain she’d held back for so long. He didn’t say a word, just held her tight, offering silent comfort as she cried.

CHAPTER 22

Damian finally got it.

The reluctance to talk about her past, the stony silences, the wall she’d built around herself—it all made sense now. She’d been through hell, and even five years later, she hadn’t fully come to terms with it. Knowing her, he figured she hadn’t talked to anyone about it—not a therapist, not her old CIA colleagues, no one. She’d just bottled it up and kept pushing forward, like she always did.

Eventually, she pulled away, wiping her eyes. “I’m sorry.” Her voice was shaky. “I’m not usually such a mess. Being here... it’s brought everything back. That’s why I never returned.”

“I get it,” Damian said softly.

She gulped, nodding. “I didn’t realize how hard it would be. I thought I could handle it. I mean, it’s been five years.” She shook her head, glancing up at him with a tired expression. “And look at me.”

“I don’t think we ever truly get over losing someone we love,” he said quietly.

She gave a small, sad laugh, somewhere between a chuckle and a sniffle. “Then I’m screwed.”

So am I.

Damian felt the weight of his realization.

Out loud, he said, “Jaden was a hero. He died protecting you, the woman he loved.”

Her eyes glistened with fresh tears. “I know,” she whispered. “I think about that all the time. If I had to go, that’s the way I’d want it too.”

It was a heroic death, one Damian knew he could never live up to—not that he’d want to. Jaden would always be a hero in her eyes, a man who’d given everything to protect her. And that was where Damian’s admiration clashed with something darker. How could he possibly resent a man who’d sacrificed so much?

Yet, as much as he respected Jaden for what he’d done, he also hated him for holding onto Thorn’s heart so tightly, even from beyond the grave. How could he be jealous of a dead man? But there it was, gnawing at him, a bitterness he couldn’t shake.

She bit her lip, her voice shaky. “I also wonder if, you know, if I hadn’t gotten out of the water, maybe Jaden would still be alive.”

“You can’t think like that, Thorn. What happened wasn’t your fault.”

“I know.” Her voice wavered. “It doesn’t stop me from wondering.”

He couldn’t blame her for replaying that day, wondering how things might’ve turned out differently. Hadn’t he done the same thing a thousand times after Rebecca left?

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