Peggy doesn’t seem as if she’d like to talk anymore so I eat my peach cobbler in silence and watch the steady fall of the rain outside the window. Peggy wraps up some leftover biscuits for Zeus and Apollo and bids me good night. The sky has grown darker thanks to the rain but it’s nowhere near bedtime yet.
“Good night,” I tell her, understanding she wants to be alone.
Peggy pauses in the middle of scouring a baking pan and says, “He’ll be back, Sadie.”
She hasn’t asked about Cale and I haven’t spoken of him very much these last couple of weeks. Peggy sees and hears far more than she lets on.
I pat Tinkerbell on her soft head and leave through the connecting interior door. Zeus and Apollo smell food and come running. They’re still hoovering up biscuit crumbs from the floor when I step outside.
The front door has a shallow overhang that serves as an umbrella as long as I don’t venture out more than two feet. New puddles that grow with every raindrop stretch in every direction. I’ll switch to my rain boots when I go out later for the final check of the night.
My phone is in the back pocket of my jeans. When I pull it out, my ring catches on the denim. I really shouldn’t be wearing the ring on my finger while doing hard labor on the ranch all day. Slipping it on every morning has just become a habit. Tomorrow I’ll put it back on the chain and wear it around my neck like I used to.
There are no new messages at all. A wave of menstrual cramps adds to my misery and I lean against the doorframe, staring moodily out at the rain.
Truly, I wasn’t hoping for the pregnancy test to be positive. But I also feel a forceful surge of yearning when I imagine holding Cale’s child in my arms and I can’t quite let the feeling go.
Before I can talk myself out of it, I press the button to call his cell phone. After six rings the generic voicemail answers. I’m not prepared to leave a message. My brain freezes and I hang up before the beep. Then I wish I hadn’t.
Twilight is approaching earlier tonight, thanks to the weather. Thunderclaps echo in the distance. I raise the phone and capture a shot of the rainy landscape. After I press the forward button to send the picture to Cale, my brain stalls over thoughts of a caption.
Finally, I type the words, “Wish you were here” and become horrified by the sheer greeting card corniness. Just when I’ve made up my mind to delete and start over, I accidentally hit send.
Great. Someone needs to take this thing away from me before I do some real damage.
With a sigh, I shove my phone back into my pocket and watch the light slowly disappear from Bright Hearts while the sound of thunder inches closer.
Where are you, Cale?
30
CALE
All the required words have been spoken by the priest.
Forgive us our trespasses and forgive those who trespass against us and deliver us from evil.
Good words.
No doubt they give some of the mourners comfort. Dutifully, I make the sign of the cross with everyone else even though I’ve never set foot inside a church of my own free will. Maybe I should. I’d monopolize the confessional booth for a week.
I’ve attended too many funerals and hated every one of them. The funeral of Vinny Tello is the same. However, today there’s the added burden of guilt. It’s a crushing burden that far surpasses the weight of the casket on my shoulder as I helped carry my old friend to his final resting place.
Worst of all, beneath the guilt is deep relief. That could have easily been me in the casket. If my position and Vinny’s had been swapped then I would have taken two to the chest and one to the throat.
Lights out. The end. No chance for redemption. No chance to hold Sadie in my arms again.
A light drizzle falls from the sky as the mourners begin to filter away from the gravesite. Vinny’s wife Kiki has loudly sobbed the whole time. She’s still wailing. When Aunt Donna tries to steer her away, Kiki breaks free and drops to her knees to lay her hand on the mahogany casket containing her dead husband.
Richie paid for that casket. He paid for the whole funeral. How generous of him.
My uncle stands ten yards away, talking to Franco and Brisetti as one of his bodyguards holds a black umbrella over his head. He sees me staring, pauses for a heartbeat, then resumes talking.
I was expected to stand with him during the funeral. Too bad I’m all out of fucks to give when it comes to Richie’s expectations.
My aunt and some of the other women manage to pull Kiki to her feet and guide her away from the gravesite. I’m so busy watching Vinny’s wife in her moment of grief that I don’t even see Luca until he’s right next to me. His plane landed yesterday but we haven’t had much of a chance to talk. Luca stood at Richie’s side during the funeral.
Luca gives my shoulder a comforting pat. “Are you okay?”