Page 64 of Pity Parade

“I’m not sorry,” I tell him. And I’m not. There’s something about Heath that feels like coming home to me. I even felt it on our first date, which is probably why I took such offense when he pushed me away.

What I’d really like to do is kiss him again, but this time with all the pent-up passion inside of me. I’d like to find out if our remembered first kiss was everything I thought it was. But I don’t have a chance because Heath stands up abruptly.

“I need to go. I need to be by myself. I hope that’s okay.”

Disappointed, I tell him, “Of course it is. Do you want me to walk you back to your car?”

He shakes his head. “I’m good.” Forcing a smile, he adds, “I had a nice time. Thanks for sharing your ice cream.”

I’m stumped as to what to say next, so I reply, “No more bubble gum ice cream, ever. Agreed?”

He forces a laugh. “Agreed. And Trina, thank you. I don’t make it a habit of blubbering about my problems.”

Trying to lighten the mood a notch, I tell him, “I haven’t told anyone about the bowling thing. I’d better not read about that in the tabloids.”

He smiles sadly. “I’ll keep your secrets.”

As I watch him walk away, my heart is equally full and empty. Heath is damaged in a way I’m not sure he can ever come back from. It’s one thing for me to tell him that people fall in love again every day, but the truth is I’ve never lost a spouse. I don’t know if I’d have the fortitude to recover and join the land of the living again either.

As I walk back to my apartment, I realize that for my own sanity, I have to let go of thoughts of me and Heath as a couple. He’s clearly not ready, and I deserve to be somebody’s whole world. I don’t want to compete with ghosts because there’s no winning a game like that.

My phone rings as I walk into my apartment. It’s Paige. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Are you sitting down?” she asks.

“Not yet. Give me a second.” Once I’m on the couch with my feet on the coffee table, I tell her, “Shoot.”

“John Perry is studying to become a priest.”

“Excuse me?”

“His mom answered his phone. She told me he’d been struggling with his professional identity his whole life and he finally decided to embrace his inner calling.”

“Are you sure you called the right John Perry?” I ask her. “The John I knew was kind of a party guy.”

“I called the number you gave me,” she says.

“I guess it was the right John then. What a shocker.”

“I would think so. I mean, if Tim told me that he wanted to become Father Tim, I’d try to be supportive, but it would certainly throw off the dynamic of our relationship.”

I kick off my shoes and sink down into the couch cushions. “I’m honestly starting to wonder if men are worth the trouble.”

“I’m not sure being a lesbian would be any easier,” Paige jokes.

“Ha ha. Maybe I should go to Austria and sign up for the convent life like Maria Von Trapp did.”

“Or you could go to India and become the next Mother Theresa,” she suggests.

“I might as well just get bangs and buy a bunch of cardigans,” I moan.

“Hey, I had bangs once.”

“And did you have a boyfriend at the same time?” I ask.

“Point taken. But no matter what you say about cardigans, I think they’re cool.” Then she asks, “How did it go with Heath at his new property?”

“The property was great. Heath, not so much.” I give her the abbreviated version of what happened in the park. “He really isn’t ready for another relationship,” I tell her. “And honestly, he may never be.”

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