Page 53 of Pity Parade

“Do you tell him regularly?”

“What? Yes. No.” She finally settles on, “Sometimes.”

I conclude, “Allan needs to hear that stuff. Especially being that you work so much.”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if I were a man,” she accuses.

“Sure I would,” I tell her. “Everyone needs to know they’re valued by their spouse. Allan might even need to hear it more because he’s in the traditionally female role.”

“Yeah,” she scoffs. “He’s the woman and I’m the man. Don’t you think it’s equally hard on me being a woman in business?”

One of the reasons Shelby and I get along so well is because we don’t lie to each other. “I think you do just fine in business. In fact, there are very few men who are as successful as you are.”

“And you think that’s been easy?” she demands angrily.

“Maybe not, but it hasn’t gotten in your way.”

She clearly doesn’t like the way this conversation is going because she says, “There is no way I should take relationship advice from you.”

“Just because I’m not currently in a relationship doesn’t mean that I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“Just because you were married for a few years a lifetime ago doesn’t mean that you do.” Ouch.

Instead of letting her comment bother me, I tell her, “Look, I think you’re doing the right thing going away with your family. You need to let Allan know how you feel about him, and while you’re at it, you can make sure Bridget knows you’re watching her.”

“You know I’m going to let that harlot know what’s what. If I have to, I’ll pee a circle around Allan to claim my territory. I’ll decide later if the territory is worth keeping.”

Now that’s a picture. “I’m sure the kids will be thrilled to have you there,” I tell her. “I know you’ll be happy to have the time with them.”

Her tone finally mellows. “I do miss them. I just can’t spend the kind of time with them that Allan does.”

“You and I both need to make choices that are going to make us happy. That might mean changing up the business end of things.”

She pauses long enough that I find myself holding my breath. “What’s going on, Heath?”

“What do you mean?”

“First you don’t care if we build the skyscraper, then you tell me there’s more to life than work, and finally you’re jabbering about making different choices. What. Is. Going. On?”

I might as well tell her. “I just bought a hundred and fifty acres in Elk Lake.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know yet.” Forging ahead, I say, “I might be thinking about building a zip-lining park.”

The next sound I hear is loud banging which leads me to believe that Shelby is actually hitting the phone against a hard surface. “Who are you?” she demands heatedly. “A zip-lining park? Have you become some crunchy millennial who’s going to build a tiny house next and start micro-dosing?”

“I’m not going to take drugs,” I assure her. “And I’d get claustrophobic in a tiny house.”

“Are we breaking up?” she practically shouts.

“No?”

“Are you asking me?” The phone was probably not the best vehicle for this conversation, but an in-person meeting could have led to violence.

“I wouldn’t call it breaking up. I’ve just lost interest in building big things. I want to do smaller stuff.”

“Why?”

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