Page 50 of Pity Parade

“Hundreds,” he answers, “but I organically have that kind of opportunity being in the medical field.”

“I may not be able to help that many, but I’d like to help more than I have.”

After paying the check, Daniel asks, “Would you like to come back to my place for a nightcap?” Somebody’s getting ahead of himself.

Even though I’ve enjoyed our day, I’m nowhere near ready to pick up where we left off two years ago. “I woke up early this morning. I think I’ll just go home and go to bed early.” Daniel slides out of the booth before reaching out a hand to help me up. Once we’re outside, I tell him, “I had a very nice day. I’m happy we ran into each other.”

“Can I see you again sometime?” He sounds so hopeful I can’t help but feel flattered.

“I’d like that.” Pointing down the street, I tell him. “For future reference, my apartment is right there. Why don’t you give me a call sometime?”

He grins sheepishly. “I’ll need your number to do that.”

While I shouldn’t be surprised, I can’t help but ask, “You deleted it?”

“Probably.” He looks slightly chagrined.

I give it to him again before saying, “I’ve got plans tomorrow, but I’m free the rest of the week.” The truth is that I have no plans, but I need a day to think. I didn’t think things would take off as quickly as they have.

Daniel Martin is a nice man. He’s a wonderful surgeon, he’s considerate, and he claims to be ready for a serious commitment, but for some reason, I don’t feel as drawn to him as I did before. I don’t know if all the fighting I’ve been doing with Heath has made me incapable of enjoying a nice quiet relationship, but I’m really not sure Daniel is the guy for me.

My date kisses me on the cheek before saying, “I’ll call you on Wednesday. Hopefully, we can set something up then.”

As I watch him walk to his car, a wave of sadness washes over me. I set up this whole contest thing to find someone who was interested in dating me, and now that I have, my heart doesn’t seem to be in it.

As I walk to my apartment, I’m suddenly overcome by a bout of melancholy the likes of which I’ve never experienced. I feel like Heathcliff on the moors in Wuthering Heights, searching for his lost love.

Maybe the older you get the harder it is to find someone you’re compatible with. When you’re younger and haven’t collected much baggage, you can grow together instead of trying to figure out how you fit into someone else’s readymade life.

Being in your thirties and looking for love can make you feel like you’re dodging invisible obstacles. For instance, the person you’re dating could have previously been in a relationship with someone who used a phrase they hated, and then you accidentally say the same thing. Boom! They immediately associate you with their ex.

Or, like in both Heath and Daniel’s case, neither man was looking for something long term when I went out with them, yet both were interested in dating. How is that even remotely fair?

As I let myself into the building, I wonder if I should just let Tom film his stupid show. I don’t have to be interested in anyone. In fact, I could be so boring there would be no chance any network would want it. Of course, if by some fluke they did, then the whole world would think I was a real dud.

I want to cry as I climb the stairs to my apartment. I’ve spent an entire day with Daniel and all I can think about is the other guy who didn’t want to date me.

Speak of the devil, my phone rings as I open the door and step into my living room. It’s Heath. I smile when I realize he didn’t delete my number from his contacts, and we only went out once. Yet Daniel and I went out almost a dozen times and he seemed to have no problem erasing my existence.

“Hello?” I say, pretending I have no idea who’s on the other line.

Heath asks, “How did today go? Is Daniel the one?”

“It’s hard to say being that today was our first date.”

“Not so. You told me that you dated multiple times before.”

After turning on the light, I kick off my shoes. “It’s our first date in two years. People change.”

“Has he changed?” Heath asks. Is it me or does he sound nervous?

For some reason, I answer him honestly. “I’m not sure if he’s the one who’s changed or if it’s me.”

“Are you still mad about today?”

I pause a beat before answering. “No. I mean, how would you know what was going on in my life?”

“A contest, though!” He laughs. “Now that’s a creative way to find a boyfriend.”

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