Page 44 of Pity Parade

“So ready,” I tell him. So. Very. Ready.

Heath stands up and announces, “I’ll walk back with you.” Why is he doing this to me?

“That won’t be necessary,” I tell him. “We know the way.”

He motions toward his leg. “I’m getting a cramp. I should get back and rest it.” I’d like to give him a cramp right in the Tony Trench.

Resisting violent impulses, I situate myself between the two men in hopes of keeping them from talking to each other. Then I start to ramble like a lunatic. “Did you know that summer is ninety-two days long?” Neither of them answers, so I hurry to add, “Autumn has ninety-three, but winter is only eighty-eight. Which is strange because you’d think that winter lasts longer than summer. I mean, it sure feels like it, right?”

“That is interesting,” Daniel says. “And you’re right, summer does feel shorter than winter.”

“How do you even know this?” Heath demands.

“Seasons are my passion,” I tell him sarcastically. Why won’t he take the hint and stop walking with us?

“Seasons vary greatly depending on where you live,” Daniel says. “For instance, the average yearly temperature in Los Angeles is much higher than in Chicago. And in New Zealand it’s actually winter right now.” He seems to find the last bit quite intriguing.

Heath elbows me in the ribs. “New Zealanders have Christmas in the summer. Now that’s fascinating.”

Nothing about this conversation is fascinating, but I have to keep talking so Heath doesn’t out me. “I’ve been to New Zealand once,” I tell them. “But I got pneumonia and was sick the whole time.”

“Did you go in the summer or the winter?” Daniel wants to know.

“It was the spring,” I tell him.

“So, fall there,” Heath deciphers.

“Fall is my favorite season,” I announce. “I love when the leaves change color and sweater weather arrives after months of heat and humidity.”

“I’m a winter guy,” Heath says. “I like to ski and snowboard.”

“I’m a spring guy,” Daniel offers. “Seeing everything start to bloom again is like a new beginning.” He smiles down at me and adds, “I like new beginnings.” His meaning is clear. He likes that we’re starting over. And while I should be thrilled, I’m too mad at Heath right now to give this moment its due.

“So none of us thinks summer is the best month and here we are in summer.” This conversation has become excruciating.

“Oh, I like summer,” Heath says. “Especially this summer because I’m taking it off work.” At which point, he winks at me and adds, “And I’m making new friends.”

Hoping to keep him from expounding on his new relationships, I announce, “There are some very nice people in Elk Lake.”

“Not to mention this is where I ran into you again,” Heath says. I want to kick him so hard.

“Again?” Daniel inquires. “Did you two know each other before this summer?”

I hurry to beat Heath to the punch. “We met once at a charity event in Chicago.” Rolling my eyes, I add, “You know how dull those things can be.”

“I was one of the bachelors auctioned off that night.” If this conversation were a hornet’s nest, Heath would be the stick poking at it.

“How did you do?” Daniel asks him. “Did someone pay a lot for you?”

There’s no hope for it now. Heath is going to tell him that I’m the one who bought him and that I paid a fortune for the honor. I only have one weapon remaining in my arsenal: Surprise. Turning toward Heath, I shove him for all I’m worth which causes him to lose his balance and fall to the ground.

After crashing to the sand, he looks up at me in shock. “What did you do that for?”

Daniel stops walking and reaches out a hand to help Heath up. “Are you okay?”

Heath points at me like his hand is a gun. “She pushed me.”

“He was about to trip over a rock,” I tell them. “I didn’t want him to fall.”

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