Page 5 of Pity Parade

“I think a serious boyfriend would do,” I tell her. “I just need Tom to believe I’m taken so he gives up on the idea of trying to set me up on this new television program.”

Paige leans back in her chair and studies me like I’m an alien life-form. “I still think it would be easier for you to find someone in Chicago. There really aren’t that many single guys in Elk Lake.”

“So you say,” I tell her. “But look at you and your friends. In the last two years, the three of you have met men right here, and from all signs, you got the best ones in the world.”

“You’re not wrong,” she agrees. “I mean, Faith finding Teddy Helms here is a thing of legend, am I right?”

“It’s definitely cool that she met and married a bonafide movie star in Elk Lake,” I confirm. “But look at Missy. She found her guy here and so did you.”

“It wasn’t looking good for me, which is why I signed up to be on Midwestern Matchmaker,” she reminds me.

“But then you and Tim got together.”

The smile that stretches across her face is resplendent. “Yes.”

I take a roll out of the breadbasket and break it in half. Before I can pop it in my mouth, the waiter comes by and takes our order. After he leaves, I ask Paige, “Where should we start?”

“Tim is putting together a list of single men who belong to the club.” Her expression falters as she adds, “It’s not a big list, and it’s not particularly promising. I mean, there are guys on it who are old enough to be your father.”

“It’s a good thing I’m not looking for a real husband then,” I tell her. “I just need someone to pretend with for as long as it takes for Tom to get the message that I’m not available to do his new show.”

Paige inhales deeply before saying, “You’re a very nice woman, Trina, so I don’t want you to take this wrong, but what’s in it for the guy if you’re not really looking?”

While I’ve thought about that very thing, my focus has been more selfish. “I’m not sure.”

“Are you prepared to break some man’s heart? That doesn’t seem like you.”

“Finding love is not my first priority, Paige.”

“So you’re willing to use someone to keep yourself out of the hot seat?”

“If I meet someone I like, I’ll tell him the truth before it goes too far.”

“Good. But even though you claim to only be looking for a way out of this show, I think we should find you someone for real.”

“Maybe.”

She decides, “I think we should start with ex boyfriends.”

That Julius Caesar quote springs to mind. Et tu, Brute? I reiterate what I told Tom on the same subject. “I’ve had good reason to break up with every man I’ve ended things with.”

“Like what?”

“Like, they work too much, they don’t listen well enough, they’re cheaters …”

“Obviously, we wouldn’t consider cheaters,” she says. “But let’s face it, working too much and not listening are things that can be changed. I mean, you’ve already done the hard part of getting to know each other, we just have to fine tune the other stuff.”

I take a sip of water before asking, “How would I go about getting those guys to come to Elk Lake? Because, like I told you, I’m not going on dates in Chicago where I can be easily photographed. I can’t have Tom finding out what I’m up to.”

She leans toward me like she’s about to tell me the whereabouts of a hidden treasure. “You haven’t met my friend Anna yet, but she’s a realtor in town. She has a rental whose tenant canceled at the last minute.”

I have no idea where she’s going with this, so I ask, “And?”

“And, she said you can get the place at half price.” My confused expression has her adding, “I thought I could call your exes and tell them they’d won a getaway. That way, they’d come here, and you could see if you might be able to rekindle any feelings.”

Even though Tom and Phil just pitched the same idea, it sounds so much more appealing when a new friend suggests it. And I suppose it is better than waiting for summer to end and Tom to ruin my life. “What if they’re already seeing someone?”

“I’ll make sure they’re single before I tell them they’ve won.”

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