Page 28 of Taming a Heartbreaker

“Holding you so we can talk.”

Yes, they definitely needed to talk, but did she have to be in his lap to do so? “We could have talked while I was in the bed.”

“I prefer this way. You’re closer to me. I need to hold you and feel the connection to our baby.”

Now why would he say something like that? The last thing she wanted was her thoughts to soften where he was concerned. “Okay, let’s talk. I want to know—what’s your hidden agenda?”

He honestly looked confused. “My hidden agenda?”

“Yes. There has to be a reason why a man who’s always said he never wanted kids suddenly wants them. I figure there has to be a hidden agenda. What is it?”

“You honestly believe that?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

He stared at her for a long moment. “I see what I told you about not wanting kids has put you into a super protective mode where our child is concerned.”

She nodded. “Of course I’m protective when it comes to my child.”

He nodded. “I think I should tell you why I said I never wanted children, Carmen.”

She wished she could ignore the fact that his voice was not only soft and husky, it was also intimate. It was as if there was more between them than a baby that she wanted but he didn’t.

She studied him and saw the intense look in his penetrating gaze. “Yes, maybe you should.”

He didn’t say anything for several moments and then he began. “Years ago, at the age of seventeen, I met this girl. She moved to town when her father’s job with the railroad transferred him to Skagway. We saw a lot of each other over the summer and at some point in our senior year of high school we decided to make a go at things. I had planned to attend college in Anchorage and her plan was to attend school in Juneau.”

“What was her name?”

“Candy. Candy Porter. She and I talked about marriage after college and things seemed great. We also talked about the children we would have together one day. We wanted four.”

A knot formed in Carmen’s chest. She could hear the pain in his words, which made her ask, “Did she die? Is that why you can’t envision yourself falling for someone else and sharing a child with them?”

His chuckle was derisive enough to send a shiver through her. She immediately knew her assumption was wrong. “Yes, in a manner of speaking, she did die, but not the way you think. She died in my heart.”

Carmen swallowed deeply and didn’t say anything. Instead, she waited for him to explain. “At the end of our senior year of high school, I felt something was off-kilter but didn’t know what. I figured we were busy trying to make good grades and get into the colleges of our choice. I never guessed that she was sneaking around behind my back with another guy.”

“What! She was cheating on you with a guy who attended your school?”

“No, he was an older guy who’d graduated two years earlier and worked on the docks.”

Carmen nodded. “How did you find out about them?”

“They kept their affair secret until prom night. I took her there and found her in the parking lot, in the back seat of the guy’s car, making out. From the sounds of her orgasmic screams, she seemed to be enjoying herself. Unfortunately, others were with me and saw what happened. By the next day, the entire town knew what she’d done and with whom. I felt betrayed and humiliated. She had taken advantage of my love and my entire life was left in shambles. I knew then that I could never fall in love with anyone again. As for kids, I’d always connected any kids of mine as hers. I honestly believed I would never want to be any woman’s husband or any kid’s father.”

He held her gaze as if what he was about to say was important, something he needed her to hear and understand. “Nothing has changed about me never falling in love again, Carmen. Candy Porter’s betrayal destroyed my heart, as well as my desire for marriage and a family. However, the moment Sloan told me you were pregnant, something happened I hadn’t expected.”

“What?”

“A father’s love. I hadn’t known such a thing could exist until then. But the more I thought about it, the more it makes sense. There’s no reason I wouldn’t make a good father since I had a great role model. My dad was the best. And my two closest friends are great dads. I am a responsible person, and don’t mind taking on commitments. The only reason I had decided against kids was because I knew I would never get married.”

Carmen didn’t respond for a moment and then she said, “Thanks for sharing that with me, Redford.”

“The reason I told you, Carmen, is for you to know why I’ve felt that way over the years. And why it’s important to me to be here with you during this difficult time. This baby isn’t just yours, it’s ours. We’re not married, and I can’t see myself marrying someone I don’t love just for the sake of a child. However, there are some things I hold sacred. Fatherhood is one of them. I have moral and ethical standards. Marriage or no marriage, I will always be there for our child and for you as the mother of our child. There is no hidden agenda for wanting to claim my child. And it’s important to me to be here to take care of you.”

“What about your job?”

“I’m taking a leave of absence. I have a good executive team in place. If an emergency comes up that needs my attention, they know how to reach me.”

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