Page 134 of The Boyfriend Goal

Around eight a.m., when I hear Josie moving around, I do the same. I fly out of bed, brush my teeth, and throw on shorts and a sweatshirt. I hustle downstairs. I’m dressed and ready to take her to work. At her fucking service.

I’m buoyed by Christian’s advice—set short-term goals, not long-term ones; focus on the positive; and lean on your teammates—when I find her in the kitchen. She’s gathering her things and wearing a black pencil skirt and a soft pink sweater. She looks like the polished, put-together, young librarian she is. I want to pull her close and run my fingers through her hair and tell her I’m an ass. But I focus on her needs first. “Can I give you a ride to work?”

She flashes me a soft smile and shakes her head. “I’m going to Petaluma.”

That throws me for a loop. “You are?”

“Yes, I have a job interview. Thalia gave me the morning off so I could focus on it. And since it’s kind of far.”

Right, right. She mentioned the interview. I didn’t realize it was today. Because you’ve barely been talking to her, you dumbass. “That’s huge,” I say, my heart racing five steps ahead, hoping this means she can stay, but do I even have the right to ask her that anymore? I need to fix things first.

“And I should really go because there are about three buses I have to catch. At least it’s only two buses back to work though,” she says before I can get another word in.

Nope. No way am I letting her catch a trio of buses on the way up alone. “I’ll drive you. I want to. I can,” I say, playing the bossy card.

She shakes her head. “Actually, I kind of want to do this on my own,” she says, then gives me an apologetic smile. “I should go.” She pauses, frowning, looking like she wants to say something more. After a beat, she exhales. “For what it’s worth, I think you’re too hard on yourself. I really do, and there are a ton of things I want to say.” Her voice is laced with emotion, but her gaze strays to the clock on the wall even as her eyes shine. “I have to go.”

But what do you have to say?

The desire to hear those ton of things claws at me, like a wild beast let loose in my chest, but I have to give her space.

She heads to the door and I watch her leave, strangely impressed by her gumption, and her guts.

I want to chase after her. I want to insist she lets me drive her. But I flash back to what she said the other night—that she was a lot.

To how she felt I’d kept saving her, like I did on the first night, then less than a week later. I get it. Some things you have to do on your own. You have to save yourself.

She closes the door and leaves.

I wander aimlessly, a lost kid at the zoo. But a few minutes later, my phone rings. Maybe it’s her. Maybe she’s changed her mind. Maybe I can go pick her up on the corner at the bus stop.

I’m about to say all that when Natalie’s name flashes on the screen. I answer it, a little defeated. “Hey. What’s going on?”

“Listen. I need to know, are you going to Frieda’s for Christmas?” That’s where Dad is hosting this year—with his girlfriend.

I groan. “I tried to pretend that isn’t happening.”

“But it is happening. And Lila and I want to know if we should go.”

That’s her girlfriend. “You two should go,” I say dryly.

“What we’re trying to say is we want to go if you’re there.”

But I want to go to Christian’s with Josie—if she’ll have me. “I don’t know if I will be.”

“What’s wrong, Wes?”

My sister’s the one person who understands me completely, so I say, “I had a couple bad games. I was pretty distracted, and at first I thought it was because of Josie.”

“Wes,” she says kindly. “Do you think maybe the pressure isn’t Josie, but Dad?”

I don’t move. I don’t say a word. I stand in the kitchen with a simple and obvious truth.

She was never the distraction.

“You’re right,” I say to my sister, then end the call, my mind spinning over this revelation.

I have to tell Josie right away. Trouble is, I won’t be the complication in her life. Not today. Not when she’s worked so hard to achieve her dreams.

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