Page 29 of Desecrated Reign

“In your dreams, Devereux.”

“Every. Fucking. Night.”

Fuelled by a mixture of pain and love, I keep running, letting my feet guide me as one after the other, I relive all the moments we shared. With each passing mile, my thoughts deepen, and before long, I’m drowning in every moment, clinging to each one because they’re all I have left.

“If you must know, Devin was the first boy I kissed.”

“Let’s hope he grew into himself. Otherwise, you’d be the only girl who’d ever want to kiss him.”

“Liam! Don’t be so mean.”

I recall that day so clearly, how Liam and I were looking through an old photo album when a picture of me next to a tall, lanky boy with braces appeared. I’d slapped Liam playfully for teasing Devin, but then something in the air shifted. Liam caged me beneath him, and all the pieces fell into place.

One unlocked memory, and I realised the boy from the lake was right in front of me.

“Devin?” The question reduces my words to a pathetic wheeze as a series of sputtering heartbeats pitter-patter against my rib cage.

“Finally, Free Bird. I was beginning to think that kiss meant nothing to you.”

The rhythmic sound of my footsteps matches the beat of my thoughts as I keep barrelling forward. Turning down a little side road, I climb the hill at full pace, ignoring how my legs ache as my lungs bleed, screaming at me to slow down.

Finally, as the sun begins to lower behind the trees, painting the skyline with my favourite shades of burnt orange and lavender hue, I push through the iron gates of St. Michael’s cemetery. Weaving my way through the headstones, I finally collapse beside a granite slab carved with words I never wanted to read.

DEVEREUX

Devin Liam

Cherished son, beloved brother, loyal friend

Born January 27th

Died 13th May, Aged 18

Drawing my fingers over the indents in the granite, I trace over each letter, allowing my tears to free-fall.

Grief trails down my cheeks, until all I can taste is Liam’s loss on my lips.

“Why did you have to leave me? Because now… now I have to remember you longer than I knew you, and that breaks my fucking heart. How… how can I give you all my sunsets when you’re not here to see them with me.”

Another memory takes hold, flashing before my eyes in vivid Technicolor.

“If sharing you with him means I get to keep you too, I want to at least try.”

“What are you saying?”

“He can have your darkest nights as long as you promise your sunsets belong to me.”

That’s when he opened the ring box, revealing my birthday present—his grandmother’s eighteen carat rose gold ring with a four carat purple-orchid diamond. My eyes fall to my right hand, peering down at the Claddagh, and how the thick ivy vined band wraps around my finger, while the two hands hold up the purple diamond-crowned heart.

“Oh my God, Dev. It’s gorgeous. I love it.”

“My grandmother gave it to me for the girl I wanted to share my life with. That girl is you, Saoirse Ryan. I love you, Free Bird.”

“I love you, too.”

Laying down next to his headstone, I set my sights on the horizon, allowing the memories of Liam to keep coming, flooding my mind until the grief cripples me.

“Tell me, Free Bird, what do you see in him?”

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