Page 59 of Destructive Truths

He can intimidate me all he wants, but I’m not changing my mind. After tonight, I’m leaving the syndicate behind, with or without his permission. “Fuck you. This is my life and my choice. And for once, I am choosing me.”

Turning on my heel, I march towards the doorway, not wasting another second explaining something he refuses to understand. Hand on the doorknob, his voice halts my next step.

“What happens to Beibhinn if you walk away now? Do you really think she’s cut out for a leadership role in this family?”

Peering over my shoulder, my eyes blaze with hate for a man I once aspired to be. “Beibhinn will be twice the leader you ever were if that’s what she decides she wants.”

“That’s where you’re wrong, Devin. If you walk away from the role of the next head of his family, she won’t have a choice. Maybe you should think about that before you piss away your sister’s future because you got your heart broken by a little slut like Saoirse Ryan.”

* * *

Standing next to Rohan in the large entryway of Ryan manor, my father’s words weigh heavy on my shoulders, but I do everything I can to push them to the back of my headspace so I can enjoy this last night with Saoirse.

My eyes latch on the beauty descending the imperial staircase. Tulle layers flow over her hips as she runs her hands over the strapless bodice, pinching the waist of her midnight-blue ball gown with a glitter overlay that looks like a thousand glistening purple raindrops in a winter night sky.

She’s fucking breathtaking. Her dark hair is fastened at the nape of her neck, and wispy strands frame her high cheeks and pouty lips. My heart stops mid-beat when her eyes connect with mine, and she flashes me one of her perfect smiles. Each step she takes slows down time, and all I see is her. The moment is bittersweet, knowing that when the sun goes down, I won’t ever call her mine again. I never thought I’d willingly give her up, but somewhere over the past few weeks, her happiness has become more important to me than my own. If I don’t do this, there will come a time where the syndicate forces her to choose, and if I don’t walk away now, I never will. Knowing Saoirse, she’d never choose between us, not without breaking her own heart—so I’ll do it for her.

When her feet hit the last step, I close the distance between us, ignoring the grunt from Rohan behind me. He’ll have all her days from here on out. For now, I’m taking every second I can get, stocking up on memories.

“You look extravagant, darlin’.”

“Why thank you, Mr Devereux.” Her amber eyes sparkle as she peruses me and my tuxedo with elevator eyes. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”

Rohan greets her next, bowing before her like some kind of Prince Charming. And, solemn mood aside, the entire show he puts on is laughable, but it makes Saoirse smile. “Your carriage awaits, mo bhanríon.”

Within minutes, we’re driving towards our destination, and the sinking feeling in the pit of my gut worsens, making my leg bounce as Rohan weaves his car around the winding roads towards Kill Castle. From my position in the back seat, I watch Saoirse and Rohan interact, sharing laughs and fighting over the radio station. Their conversation dulls to background noise when their fingers lace together, resting on top of the gear stick. Peering out the window, I let my mind race as I get lost in the blurring of the tree-line while battling with myself about my decision. Deep down, I know she’s not mine, and she hasn’t been since we were those carefree kids getting lost in endless summer days.

Once we arrive at our destination, Rohan and I flank Saoirse’s sides, and when we push through the doors to the main ballroom, all eyes land on us. From every direction, syndicate members from all over the Emerald Isle latch their gazes on the future Queen of Killybegs. And even though she still has two more trials to complete, I don’t doubt she’ll succeed. Together, arms linked through Saoirse’s, Rohan and I lead her through the room and onto the dance floor.

Once we’re in the centre, I silently ask Rohan to give me a minute, tipping my chin towards the bar. His brow furrows with annoyance, but he must read my expression right because he complies.

“I’m gonna go get some drinks.” He leans in, giving Saoirse a quick kiss on the forehead before levelling me with a murderous glare. “Don’t let her out of your sight.”

“I won’t.”

Once he’s gone, my heart kicks against my chest, fear and anxiety mingle as they flow through my veins. Needing to settle the current of indecision swarming through my stomach, I lean down, bringing my mouth to her ear. As if meant to be, the next song bleeds through speakers set up next to the house band—a slow piano-and-string version of “Purple Rain.”

“Darlin’, can I have this dance?”

Saoirse’s face lights up with a smile as I hold out my palm, one hand still tucked behind my back. The picture of the perfect gentleman.Agreeing, she nods and places her palm in mine. Then, circling her waist with my free arm, I draw her closer to my chest. She tucks herself beneath my chin, and I rest my head on top of hers, basking in her lavender scent. Together, we get lost in the sway, and I let the lyrics wash through me.

“Tell me, Free Bird, what do you see in him?”

Her chin tips back, and her amber eyes latch on mine. “Everything he doesn’t see in himself.” Her answer solidifies the decision I need to make.

Bringing my forehead to hers, we continue to dance to the slow, sombre beat.

“Do you want to know what I see in you?” she asks as she spears through my exterior to the torment in my head and heart. When I don’t respond, she adds, “You are my safe place to land, Dev. And when this crazy world threatens to push me over the edge, I know with all my heart you will be there to catch me if I fall.”

I say nothing, holding on to the hope that maybe I can still be that for her when all this ends.

As the song comes to a close with a delicate stroke of piano keys, I reach up and tip her chin. “I love you, Free Bird.”

THIRTY-FIVE

ROHAN

Something is up with Devereux, and I can’t quite put my finger on it. He’s been in a world of his own since I picked him up earlier, barely muttering more than a few words at a time, seemingly lost in his sombre mood. But right now, I don’t have the capacity to give two fucks and dive deeper than that.

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