Page 36 of You Say It First

For a moment, Colby just stood there dumbly like a cow you could see from the highway, like flies were going into his mouth. “Is he always like that?” he echoed. “Seriously?”

“Wait a second.” Meg’s eyes flashed. “You’re mad at me right now?”

“Of course I’m mad at you.”

“You are?” Meg looked sincerely baffled. “Why?”

“I—because,” Colby said, momentarily losing his ability to string a coherent thought together. “Because! You can’t just... come in here in your ridiculous T-shirt and start shitting all over my friends.”

Meg’s eyes narrowed. “First of all,” she countered immediately, “it’s not shitting all over your friends to point out when a joke is sexist. And second of all, what’s wrong with my T-shirt?”

Colby blew a breath out. “It’s not about your T-shirt.”

“Isn’t it?” Meg asked. “Because you’re, like, the third person to be an asshole to me about it since I got here, so I’m starting to wonder.” She rolled her eyes. “Literally all I did was ask him to explain why he thought his joke was funny, Colby. It’s not my fault he couldn’t do it. And it’s not like I told him he was an idiot to his face.”

“You kind of did, actually.”

“I absolutely did not, which I actually thought showed pretty admirable restraint on my part, since—”

“Can you stop?” Colby broke in. “You sound like such a freaking snob right now. You don’t even know this kid. You’re basing your entire low opinion of him on one harmless joke he didn’t even mean—”

Meg’s mouth dropped open. “You think a joke like that is harmless? Are you kidding me?”

“I don’t think it’s as big a deal as you’re making it out to be, that’s for sure.”

“Oh my God,” Meg said, throwing her hands up and looking around as if she was searching for a studio audience, some like-minded chorus she could look at while she pointed at him, like, Can you believe this guy? “Oh my actual God. Okay.”

“Can you calm down?” Colby asked, shaking his head a little. “There’s no point in—”

“Don’t tell me to calm down! What’s next, you calling me a hysterical woman?”

“Nobody’s calling you hysterical!” Colby said, though he was definitely thinking it. “I’m just saying, the point is, you’ve been here for all of six hours. This is where I live.”

“Yeah, no kidding!” Meg said. “Which is why it’s actually your job to educate these guys, not mine, but you obviously weren’t about to step up, so—”

“Educate these guys?” Colby gaped at her. “Can you even hear yourself right now?”

“You know what I mean!”

“I know you think you’re better than me and my friends.”

“I know jokes about women are backward and unfunny, actually.”

“Backward,” Colby repeated, shaking his head a little. “That’s cute.”

“Oh my God.” Meg’s lips twisted meanly. “Which one of us is too sensitive here, exactly?”

“It was a joke, Meg! What’s the big deal?”

“The big deal is the wage gap, Colby. The big deal is that ninety-five percent of Fortune 500 companies have male CEOs. The big deal is one in three women experiencing sexual violence at some point in their lives—”

“Jesus Christ.” Colby dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Micah isn’t a sex predator.”

“I’m not saying Micah is a sex predator! I’m saying that jokes about how a woman’s main utility is bringing your friend a beer contribute to a culture where stuff like that happens, so why is it such a problem for you to be like, Dude, just tell a different joke? Here, I’ll give you some. A man walks into a bar. Ouch! What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsssh. Two muffins are in an oven. One of them says, ‘Is it hot in here to you?’ And the other one says—”

“Enough!” He thought it was possible she would have kept going indefinitely, that they’d be standing here all night while she went through her entire repertoire of ridiculous dad jokes. He would have laughed if he weren’t so furious. And that was the problem with Meg to begin with, Colby thought suddenly: he could never manage to feel just one thing about her at a time. “You made your point, okay?”

“Oh, I know I did,” Meg said flatly. “You just don’t think it matters.”

---