Page 77 of A Sinner's Virtue
“Where are the kids?” I ask, noticing how quiet the house is.
“My parents took them to the zoo,” Izzy says. “Come sit down. You need to eat.”
“I’m not hungry,” I tell her.
“And I wasn’t asking. Sit down,” she says more firmly—in her mom tone—before placing a plate with a sandwich on the counter.
I lower my butt to the stool and glare at the plate. I wasn’t lying. I’m really not hungry. All I want to do is go up to my bed, cover myself in the blankets, and forget the world exists.
“You know I’ll go along with whatever you want. And, personally, I don’t like the guy. But…” Mikhail says, picking up half of the sandwich from my plate and holding it out to me. I take it from him. “He loves you and he’s not going to just let you walk away without a fight.”
“He might.” This is the second time I’ve walked out on him without an explanation. How much fight does one person have?
Mikhail’s phone rings and he answers it, carrying out a conversation in his native tongue until the last sentence. “Let him in,” he says while looking at me.
I shake my head. “I can’t see him.” I get up from the stool.
“You have to talk to him. If you want him to leave you alone, you can either convince him to do it with your words or I can make him disappear.” Mikhail shrugs before adding, “Permanently.” Just in case I didn’t get his message loud and freaking clear.
“I’ll talk to him.” I sigh. “Just give me a minute.” I walk up the stairs at the back of the house. I need to prepare myself to see him. I need to be able to look at him without crumbling, and I don’t think I can do that just yet.
I walk back down when I hear Izzy and Mikhail leave the kitchen. I know it isn’t right. But I just can’t do this right now. I can’t face him.
My own heart? I can break it. His? It’ll be harder to see the hurt in his eyes. I open the back door and take one step on to the deck before a deep voice has me jumping on the spot.
“Sneaking out?”
“Santo, what the hell! You scared the crap out of me,” I tell Marcel’s brother.
“Sorry,” he says. “Where are you going?”
“Why are you snooping around my backyard?”
“I came with Marcel. He used the front door. I figured I’d come check out the back.” He shrugs. “Where were you planning on hiding?”
“I wasn’t,” I lie.
“You were, but you should know, he’d probably sniff you out like one of those search dogs. He’s not going to give up just because you run,” Santo says.
“You were right,” I tell him.
“I’m usually not, but what was I right about?” He chuckles.
“Love,” I say. “It’s only going to destroy us. There’s no such thing as happily ever after. Love is a disaster waiting to happen.”
“I was wrong.” He shakes his head. “If you have love, Zoe, then hold on to it for as long as you can.”
“I thought he was dead,” I whisper. “I wanted to die too.” Again, I don’t know why I’m opening up to him.
“But he’s not, and neither are you.”
“It hurt. I can’t do that.” I lower myself onto the bench seat that faces out towards the garden.
“It does hurt, but that doesn’t mean the days where you have each other aren’t worth it. The days where you’re beyond happy. That’s an experience you shouldn’t rob yourself of.” Santo sits beside me.
“I don’t think I can do it. It’s my fault he got hurt. I can’t be the reason he dies,” I admit.
“There is no better reason to die than love, Zoe. Think about it. Are you really going to be okay if he chooses to move on? Marries some other woman and has that life that you two should be living together?”
