Page 57 of Puck Blocked
I look up and wait for her to continue. “She is okay. She will be okay. But are you okay?”
“I feel like I’ve fucked up and I can’t do anything to fix it. I have no control. I couldn’t save her.”
“Oh, baby, this isn’t your fault. You didn’t do this to her.”
“I took her to that cemetery. I should have just brought her home.” I shake my head. I’m not sure I’ll ever forgive myself for this.
“I’m going to say this one more time, Luke Jameson. This isn’t your fault. Don’t let guilt eat you alive from the inside out, especially for something you didn’t do. When she wakes up, she’s going to need you to be there for her. You can’t do that if you’re stuck in your own head.”
“Okay.” I nod before looking down at my wife again. I promised to never let anyone hurt her and it’s already happened.
How can I keep her safe? What do I have to do to make sure that nothing can touch her? Besides locking her inside a tower. Because I don’t think she’d go along with that plan.
I don’t know how much time has passed when I finally feel her hand move in mine. My head pops up from where it was resting on the edge of her bed. “Tanna?”
Her eyes peer back at mine. “L-Luke?” she questions, her voice sounding hoarse.
“Shh, don’t talk. Let me get you some water.” I stand from the chair, and my mom is already handing me a cup. I hold the straw to Montana’s lips and wait for her to sip at the water. “I’m so sorry.”
“Why?” she whispers. “What did you do?”
“I shouldn’t have taken you there,” I admit. “Do you remember what happened?”
“I saw Sean,” she tells me.
I nod my head. “We were at the cemetery, and you were shot, Tanna.”
“No, I saw him. I saw my brother, Luke,” she repeats, a little more firmly this time.
I look over to my mom. “I’m going to go let the doctors know she’s awake,” Mom says. “But first, how are you feeling, Montana? Are you in pain?”
Montana shakes her head.
“Okay, I’ll be back in a sec,” Mom says.
Montana waits for my mom to leave the room before looking at me again. “Luke, I saw him. He was there.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know. But I saw him. He said to tell you to break away. No, that’s not right. He said to tell you to… break out!”
“Break out? You sure that’s what he said?” I ask her.
“Yes, I’m sure.” She nods her head, adding, “And he didn’t kill himself.”
Okay, I’m not sure what drugs they’re pumping her with but Montana is not making much sense. I saw Sean. Afterwards. I know he put a razor to his wrists.
“He said he was protecting me from something. And he mentioned our mother. I don’t know what any of it means. But I do know he didn’t choose to leave us.”
I would love nothing more than to believe that. I wish it were true. I’ve gone through so many mixed feelings about my best friend’s death. But I’ve never once considered he didn’t do it to himself.
My mind goes back to what Montana said. A break out is when you get possession of the puck in your defensive end and move out of the zone to attack.
If any of this is true, what could Sean be trying to tell me?
And then it clicks when I remember a conversation I had with Sean in high school after getting into a fight at a party. Sean told me that I should break out, and then went on to explain how I needed to plan better when facing an opponent. He always related everything to hockey. He told me I needed to find their purpose first, their intent, then build up my defenses and finally attack. According to him, you can’t fight if you don’t know why you’re fighting.
I need to find out why Andrew has his sights set on Montana, what his purpose is and what his interests are. I assumed he was an abusive asshole, a weak fucker who uses women as his punching bag. I never considered that maybe there’s more to it than that.
