Page 36 of Puck Blocked
“You sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. Go and finish the game, Luke. I’ll be watching,” she tells me.
“Okay.” I hang up and pass the phone back to Gray. “Thanks.” I nod at him as I slide my helmet back on. If Montana wants to watch me score again, then that’s exactly what I’m going to do. “Put us in, Coach!” I yell over the chatter of my teammates.
Coach glares at me, shaking his head before signaling for our line. The minute my skates touch the ice, I’m body-checked into the boards, hard enough that I almost fall back over onto the bench.
“Fucker,” I grunt while pushing the huge fucking Maple player off me. I’d love nothing more than to throw gloves. But just as the thought enters my head, Gray is there. Right beside me, his gloves already on the ice and his fist slamming into the asshole’s head.
This is what I love about this sport. No, not the fighting, but the being part of a team. Knowing that Gray will always have my back on and off the ice, and I’ll always have his too. Which is why, when he gets the fucker on the ground, I help the refs pull him off. My friend is known to be a little hot-headed at times and doesn’t always know when to stop.
Chapter Nineteen
Dear Sean,
Last night was bad. Every time I close my eyes, I see him. Andrew. It’s as if his hold on me is never going to end. I don’t know how to make it stop. If I could just make the images go away, I’d be able to sleep. I’d be able to move on.
I went to Luke’s game last night. You would have loved it. I wish you were here to see how successful he is. I pictured you on the ice with him, and then I blinked and you were gone.
Why can’t you be here? None of this would be happening if you had just stayed. It’s been four years, Sean. I’m supposed to be over losing you. It’s been long enough, but right now, I could really use a hug from my big brother. I need you, Sean, and you’re not here.
I worry that I’m too much for Luke, that my issues are going to drive him away. Of course, he won’t admit that. He seems to think everything will be fine. But it’s not fine. It’s probably never going to be fine again.
I had my face on the jumbotron last night. Remember when I used to love when that happened? Yeah, not so much anymore. Last night, I wanted to erase it. I wanted to not be there. I’m worried that Andrew somehow saw it. That he’s going to know exactly where I am and he’s going to come for me. I don’t want him to find me. I can’t go back to the way things were. I’d rather be with you.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if writing these letters to you is helping. I’m sitting here, in a corner of some random living room that nobody uses, with tears running down my face.
Until next time,
Montana
Iclose the journal and swipe at my cheeks. I’m angry that I let myself get this upset. I’m tired and frustrated that I can’t just get over it. I want to close the door of that chapter of my life, but it’s as if there’s a wedge in it. Something keeping it open. I want it to be done. I need it to be done. I’m not strong enough to do this.
I push myself up from the floor and walk out of the little hiding spot I found. I need to wash my face before I let Luke see me. So I make my way into one of the many powder rooms he has in this gigantic house. Turn on the cold water and splash my face. Then I glance up at my reflection in the mirror. I’m starting to look like the old me, the me I was before Andrew. Well, besides the bags under my eyes.
I can do this. I need to do this.
I shut off the water, count to six in my head, and then go in search of Luke. It doesn’t take me long to find him. He’s in the kitchen, making lunch.
“I’m starting to think you have a food fetish,” I tell him while placing my journal on the counter. Luke eyes the little notebook but doesn’t say anything. I’m not worried about him reading it. I know he won’t.
“I like to eat. And you need to eat.” He points a spatula at me.
“What are you making?”
“Tacos. Everything is already on the table, and this…” He picks up a frying pan and empties the meat into a serving dish. “...is done. So, let’s eat.”
I follow Luke over to the adjoining dining room and see that the table is full of every ingredient you could possibly imagine for tacos. “This looks amazing.”
“Thanks. Now eat up, buttercup.” He grins.
“Buttercup?” I raise an eyebrow at him. That’s a new one.
“I’m trying on some pet names. I’ll let you know when I find one that suits you.”
“I think Tanna suits me just fine.” Luke and Sean are the only ones who ever called me that. Everyone else always called me Montana.
“Okay, we’ll stick with Tanna.” Luke nods as he piles up his taco shell. “I have an away game. We’re leaving tomorrow.”
