Page 34 of Puck Blocked
“Know what?”
“What happened to me? Why I’m here with Luke?” I ask her.
“No one is going to know anything you don’t tell them yourself. Trust me. You’re here with Luke because you’re childhood friends. That’s it,” Aliyah says. “There’s a game this weekend. Why don’t you come and sit in the box with me? It’d just be us girls, me, Kathryn, Lil, and little Graycee.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“What if I pretend that we’ve never met? The other girls don’t know that I’ve been hanging out here. I don’t blab other people’s business. It’d just look like Luke’s finally decided to stop keeping you to himself.”
“In a box? No one else will see me there?” I’m not going to lie. I’m petrified. Thinking the second I walk out of this house, Andrew is going to find me.
“No one will see you. Just us. And it’ll be fun.”
“Okay.” I smile. “I guess I’m coming to my first Knights game.”
“First of many.” Aliyah lifts her glass and clinks it against mine.
I stare down at the blank page. Dr. West wants me to start journaling. She seems to think it’ll help the healing process if I write my thoughts down on paper. The thing is, I don’t even know where to start.
I close my eyes. I wanted to do this today. I wanted to try. I’m going to my first game tonight, and Luke is overly excited about the whole thing. I can do this. Though I’m not sure how to start. Dear diary seems too childish. So I decide to write to Sean. Thinking that maybe it’ll make it feel like I’m actually talking to someone and not just myself.
Dear Sean,
I may have officially lost my mind. I’m writing to you. My dead brother, knowing full well you’ll never read this. Because of what you did. Why? It’s the one question I’m probably never going to get an answer to. Why did you leave me?
I guess if you are up there looking down on me, you know what hell my life has been since you’ve been gone. You also know that I’m now living with Luke. You remember him, right? The best friend you always warned me not to fall in love with. Even though I can’t actually remember a time I didn’t love him.
I’m trying to get better. I don’t want to be this… broken. I want to be the girl I used to be, and if you have any kind of afterlife powers, I could really use your help today. I’m going to a Knights game. I’m leaving the safety of this house. And I’m scared. I don’t want to embarrass Luke if I have a panic attack while out in public. I’m also scared that he’s out there waiting for me.
Andrew. I can’t beat him. This is his game. He makes the rules and he always wins. Maybe this last month has been a reprieve from him, but I know he’s going to find me. And when he does, well, it’s not going to be pretty.
I’ve thought about taking self-defense classes. Maybe I can ask Aliyah to take some with me? She’s nice. You would have liked her. I think you would have really liked all of Luke’s new friends.
I’m not sure what else I’m supposed to write. I’ll try again tomorrow. I’ll let you know how the game went.
—Montana
“Hey, you ready?” Luke asks. I close the journal and set it down on the coffee table. He eyes it briefly before landing his glare on me again.
“Yep. Let’s do this.” I push up from the sofa and make my way over to him.
“You know I will leave the ice to take you home at any point.”
“That’s not happening. I’ll be fine.” I try to believe my own words. Even if I’m not fine, I’m not going to do anything that would force Luke to leave mid-game.
“I know you will be, but I want you to know that you come first, Tanna.”
“Thank you, but I want to watch you play. It’s been years since I’ve seen you on that ice in person. It’ll be fun.” I smile at him.
My heart beats wildly in my chest, my hand squeezed tight in Luke’s. He’s already in his gear. He made me wait with him in a private dressing room. How he managed to arrange that, I have no idea. But the game’s about to start and he’s walking me up to the Monroe family box.
His hand is still clasped in mine when we push through the door. Luke gives me another reassuring squeeze. My nerves ease a little when I see Aliyah waiting for me.
“Aliyah, this is Montana. Montana, Aliyah,” Luke says, as if we’ve never met. It’s a little odd but they both agreed to keep my reason for being in Vancouver under wraps. So she plays along. I have to admit it’s somewhat easier, not having to explain that we’ve met and why. “And this is Kathryn and Liliana,” Luke adds, gesturing to the other two women in the room with us. “Montana’s going to watch the game up here with you all.”
“Great, come on. Let me get you a drink.” Aliyah hooks her arm around mine and pulls me towards the minibar.
I glance over my shoulder and smile at Luke. I don’t want him to worry about me when he’s supposed to be focusing on the game.
