Page 54 of Puck Blocked
No! I need to go back. I was with Sean. I need to go back. I need to know what he was going to say! What did he mean when he said he didn’t do it?
My vision blurs, my eyelids get heavy to the point I can’t keep them open any longer, and I let myself fall into the darkness.
“Sean, where are you?” I call out to the empty white room. I know he’s here. He was here before. He has to be here now too.
“Tanna, fight, damn it,” Sean says, appearing in front of me again.
“Like you did?” I throw back at him.
“I didn’t have a choice. You do.”
“What do you mean? What happened?” I ask him. “Tell me what happened?”
“Mom,” he says, and I frown.
What would our mother have to do with this? We haven’t seen or heard from her since we were kids. She left us. She chose another life.
“What do you mean Mom?”
“I found her.”
“Where is she?” Why would he look for her? She didn’t want us. Why should we want her?
“No. You don’t need to know that.” Sean shakes his head.
“Sean, tell me what’s happening! Tell me what happened to you!” I scream at him.
“You have to go back. You’re running out of time, Tanna,” he says, instead of answering me.
“No, not until you tell me.”
“I did it to protect you. It was supposed to protect you. I didn’t know… I didn’t know it wouldn’t.” Sean steps closer and takes my hand. “I’m sorry. I tried to protect you and I failed.”
“What do you mean? How does you dying protect me? It doesn’t, Sean. You broke my heart.”
“You have Luke. He’ll do a better job than I ever could. Tell him to break out. He’ll know what it means, what to do.”
“You’re not making any sense.” I shake my head from side to side. None of this makes any sense.
“He’ll understand it. Just tell him. When you wake up, tell him those words, Tanna.”
“You should tell him yourself.”
“Tanna, I’m sorry.”
“No, this isn’t real. You are not real. This is a dream or something.” I turn around and look out into the depths of the never-ending whiteness.
“Go back, Tanna. You need to fight,” Sean says from behind me. But when I turn back around, he’s gone.
“What if I don’t want to fight anymore?” I whisper to the void. It doesn’t reply. So I sit down. There’s nothing here. No noise, no view, just nothingness. It’s kind of numbing. And, honestly, I like it. I could just stay here. I don’t need to keep fighting. I’m tired.
How much should one person have to fight in a lifetime? I have no idea, but I’ve had enough of it. I just want peace. Why can’t I find peace?
I close my eyes and a vision comes to mind. It’s me and Luke. We’re in his house, our house, sitting on the sofa in the theater room. He’s watching crappy reality television with me while his hand is on my protruding stomach. “I think it’s a girl,” he says.
“Oh yeah? What makes you think that?” I ask him.
“Because earth needs more angels, and a mini-you is the purest fucking thing I can think of.” He kisses my stomach. “You are an angel,” he says to our unborn child.
